The Fear of the Unknown

           Let me begin by sharing an experience of a person I met in my counselor setting. Let us call her Romina; she was in her mid-thirties. Romina shared with me that she often saw a dark and vague figure in her dreams. The figure would try to come close to her and she would scream and wake up in fear and trembling. Her heartbeat would rise, and she would sweat and gasp for air. The figure kept appearing over many years. She was afraid of the unknown figure and wondered why that figure was troubling her. 

           She went through a therapeutic intervention in which she was guided to allow the figure to come close to her and to reveal himself and the purpose of his coming. Romina, with mixed feelings of fear and courage, allowed the figure to come closer to her. Gradually, she realized that the figure was her grandfather. She had a conversation with him, and he assured her that he was trying to come close to her, not to hurt her but to protect and support her. From that day on, she was not fearful and even found her dreams comforting. Romina experienced healing and growth because she embraced the unknown. 

           The human mind is often afraid of the new and the unknown. Howard Lovecraft, an American writer, says, “The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.”[1] A sizeable number of individuals seem to fear to get closer to the unknown and instead, run from it. Often there is an assumption that the unknown is bad, dangerous, and even evil. This is a baseless assumption. People often get hurt by the known rather than the unknown — just think of your recent hurt. Embracing the unknown is the way to growth, learning, and rich discoveries. 

Next time, try talking to an unknown person or doing something new, you might be pleasantly surprised by what you find. 

           

             

John Baptist OFM Cap. | Pastoral Clinical Counselor | Pennsylvania, USA

 

            

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[1] Howard Lovecraft in Oxford Essential Quotations, (4 ed.), 2016. 

“Fear Not!”

 

Fear is a common human emotion. Fear helps us to avoid dangers and to equip ourselves if we need to face an adverse situation. Having said this, it is important to not allow fear to become the driver of our lives — directing our every thought, feeling, and action. Every fear we have is not rational and often is a fabrication of our own minds. Most fears that we have never come true, some may or may not happen, and only a few show up. Unfortunately, some of us can live in constant fear of one thing or the other, despite it being unrealistic. Living in fear, whether real or imaginary, is sad and vexing. So, when we face fear — oflosing someone, losing a job, rejection by someone, failing in an endeavor, or fear of anything for that matter — what do we do? 

Mystics and wise persons are known for their serenity in the face of frightening and adverse situations. Not that they are perfect and do not have fear at all but they know how to understand their fears and deal with them. “They know that it is all okay and will be finally okay, too!”[1] They tell us that we can stop running restless due to fear and to open ourselves to what life brings. Even if something is hard and frightening it does not mean it is bad. Often facing difficult times builds character strength and becomes a means of unique blessings that otherwise would have not been received. When we are afraid, we can remind ourselves that our lives are in the hands of God and that God treasures us in his Heart. One of my friends often says, “If I am in the heart of God, what can trouble me?” St. Teresa of Avila, the Carmelite mystic, offers a profound and time-tested perspective on how we can allow God to keep our hearts at peace. Listen to what she says:

 

Let nothing disturb you; / Let nothing frighten you. / Everything changes; / God alone is unchanging. / With patience all things are possible. / Whoever has God lacks nothing; / God alone is enough.[2]

 

One can sense intuitively the truth and power in the above words of Teresa. Mystics like Teresa always bring this message in some form: “Do not be afraid.”[3] When worried or afraid of the storms of life, if we allow our spiritual ears to hear, we can hear the voice of God telling us, “Fear not, it is I” (Jn. 6:20). In such union with God, we can go beyond our fears and experience courage and peace. For, whoever has God, needs to fear nothing. 

John Baptist OFM Cap. | Pastoral Clinical Counselor | Pennsylvania, USA

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[1] Center for Action and Contemplation, Let Nothing Frighten You

[2] Teresa of Avila, Let Nothing Upset You; Prayer of St. Teresa of Avila

[3] Center for Action and Contemplation, Let Nothing Frighten You

The Welcoming Prayer

Human beings, by nature, desire to succeed and prosper always. Yet, failure and wounds, and all the feelings attached to these experiences are part of human existence. The attempt to avoid necessary and existential pain only adds to suffering and makes life miserable. Life needs to be accepted with all its complexities of joy and sorrow. Beyond a certain point it is acceptance that brings healing and not resistance. Some failures are overcome not by resistance but by acceptance. And some healings only take place by embracing brokenness (e.g., pain of rejection, separation, and death). Unless we create space in our spirit that can embrace not only success but also failure, not only wellness but also wounds, we will remain in a world of fantasy, away from true growth and wholeness. We need to abandon our futile resistance to all that life has to offer. We need to give up our grandiose desire to become God and control life. Rather, we need to avoid the traps of our ego and open ourselves to life and to God in all humility so that genuine growth can be rooted in God. 

Mary Mrozowski, a founder of Contemplative Outreach, first composed the prayer and later Father Thomas Keating developed it into what is now popularly known as the Welcoming Prayer.[1] The Welcoming Prayer has been found life-changing by many. Here is the prayer:

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

I welcome everything that comes to me today, because I know it’s for my healing.

I welcome all thoughts, feelings, emotions, persons, situations, and conditions.

I let go of my desire for power and control.

I let go of my desire for affection, esteem, approval, and pleasure.

I let go of my desire for survival and security.

I let go of my desire to change any situation, condition, person, or myself.

I open to the love and presence of God and God’s action within. Amen.[2]

 

“When we welcome “what is” in our life, it doesn’t mean that we don’t want or don’t need change or growth. It means that we accept what comes our way and invite God into it”.^[3] The Welcoming Prayer is profound and invites us to let go of situations that are beyond our control, to welcome all that life brings, and to know that in such openness and humility, God can heal and transform our lives. 

Recite the Welcoming Prayer consciously, preferably in the morning hours. The Welcoming Prayer has the power to transform our day and life. 

 

John Baptist, OFM Cap. | Pastoral Clinical Counselor | Pennsylvania, USA

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[1] A Sacred Journey, How to practice Welcoming Prayer

[2] The Cross Ministry Group, The Welcoming Prayer (by Father Thomas Keating)

[3] The Cross Ministry Group, The Welcoming Prayer (by Father Thomas Keating)

God Hides in the Change

It is hard to embrace change and much harder to initiate it. Yet, change is necessary to find our true self and God. Without letting change change us, we remain stubborn and childish in our emotional and spiritual ways. We need to consciously make space for change in our journey of spiritual and psychological growth. To cease to change is to cease to exist and to be closed to God who is ever new.

If we do not make space for change then our growth becomes stunted and even dangerous. Richard Rohr states that if change and growth are not programmed into our spirituality then we can be driven by fear and fanaticism; our religion will always end up worshiping the status quo and protecting our present ego position and personal advantage, as if it were God![1] Change is necessary to find God and to know what God truly wants for our lives. We need to shed the hard shells of our rigidity and our arrogance that what we know and do is absolutely right, and therefore, no change is required. Resistance to change is often rooted in our ego and not in God.

Resistance to change is common. Ken Wilber says that most of us are only willing to call five percent of our present information into question at any point, and that is on a particularly good day. Unfortunately, stronger resistance to change can be found in people who have long years of religious background. People caught up in rigidity, self-righteousness, and the status quo tend to “love the past more than the future or the present.[2] To be truly spiritual means to be flexible, compassionate, and open to every new moment with curiosity. 

The path of spiritual transformation is the path of constant change. To be open to change is to be open to the present, the new, and the God who hides in the change. 

 

 

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[1] Richard Rohr, Falling Upward, pp. 8-12. 

[2] Richard Rohr, Falling Upward, pp. 8-12.