The Storm May Not Change, But We Can

Kahlil Gibran wrote, “We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.” Gibran understood the power of our thinking in shaping our experiences and, to some extent, our future. We develop expectations about what will make us happy or sad, successful or unsuccessful. In this sense, our attitude is often formed before the experience itself.

A negative and hopeless attitude can make life heavier and more painful. A hopeful attitude, on the other hand, can open us to joy, resilience, and well-being.

Viktor Frankl, the Jewish psychiatrist who survived the concentration camps of the Holocaust, emphasized one of the deepest forms of human freedom: the freedom to choose our attitude even when we cannot choose our circumstances. We may not be able to change everything that happens to us, but we can choose how we respond.

Richard Rohr takes this insight deeper. For Rohr, spiritual transformation involves learning to see differently. We often see life through the narrow lens of our fears, disappointments, expectations, and judgments. Contemplation invites us to step back and see with a wider and deeper perspective. The circumstances may not change, but our way of seeing them can change—and that can transform our relationship with them.

Rohr also reminds us that transformation does not mean escaping the difficult parts of life. Sometimes our struggles, disappointments, and suffering can become places of awakening. When we stop resisting every painful experience and begin to approach it with awareness and openness, we may discover wisdom, compassion, and grace where we least expected them.

Life will bring storms—loss, disappointment, uncertainty, rejection, and failure. We cannot always stop the storm. But we can choose how we remain in the storm.

We can ask ourselves:

How will I choose to meet this moment? Will I respond with fear or trust, resentment or acceptance, hopelessness or hope? Our attitude does not change every circumstance. But it can change the way we live through the circumstance.

The storm may not change. But we can.

And sometimes, when we change the way we see, we discover that even the storm can become a place of growth, transformation, and deeper awareness.

Notes

Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man's search for meaning. Beacon Press. (Original work published 1946)

Gibran, K. (1923). The Prophet. Alfred A. Knopf.

Rohr, R. (1997). On Transformation. Franciscan Media.

Rohr, R. (2017). Just This: Prompts and Practices for Contemplation. Center for Action and Contemplation.

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Don’t Rush the Butterfly

Don Miguel Ruiz tells a story. A man, longing to transcend his suffering, sought out a Buddhist master and asked, 

“Master, if I meditate four hours a day, how long will it take me to transcend?”
The master replied,
“If you meditate four hours a day, perhaps you will transcend in ten years.”

Eager to speed up the process, the man asked,
“And if I meditate eight hours a day?”
The master looked at him and said,
“Then it may take you twenty years.”

This answer may seem puzzling at first. Isn’t more effort supposed to bring quicker results? But not always. In fact, pushing too hard, too fast, can slow our growth—or even harm us.

If you force a pupa to break out of its cocoon before it’s ready, you cripple the butterfly for life.

Whether we’re cultivating a skill or pursuing human and spiritual maturity, the key is balance. Overemphasis in one area can create imbalance in others. Spending long hours in religious practice while neglecting relationships may actually delay spiritual growth. Likewise, endless time on social media may distract us from the real connections and inner peace we seek.

We are not machines to be optimized. We are souls unfolding.

The most fruitful growth happens when we move through life with balance and grace—honoring both our inner journey and our outer responsibilities. When we live attentively, neither rushing ahead nor falling behind, we allow each season to do its quiet work in us. Human and spiritual maturity are not achieved by force. They unfold slowly, like wings drying in the sun after the long cocoon of transformation.

So—trust the process.
Find your rhythm.
Take your time.
Don’t rush the butterfly.

Notes

Ruiz, D. M. (1997). The four agreements: A practical guide to personal freedom (pp. 78-79). Amber-Allen Publishing.

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Laughter: A Sacred Medicine

When was the last time you laughed—not politely, but freely, from the heart?

Laughter is not only a physical, psychological, and social experience. It is also a spiritual one. There is something sacred about laughter. It loosens the tight grip of worry, brings breath back into the body, and reminds us that pain and seriousness do not have the final word.

Some health writers have described laughter as an “inner jogging.” The image is helpful. When we laugh, the body becomes alive. Laughter can stimulate the heart and lungs, relax muscles, reduce stress, and release endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. It may also help reduce pain and tension. In this sense, laughter is not a small thing. It is a gift given to the body.

Laughter also heals the mind. LeAnn Thieman reminds us that laughter brings us into the present moment. It lifts us, even briefly, above our problems. It helps us see with a larger perspective and brings us closer to others.

Pope Francis beautifully echoes this relational gift of laughter. Speaking to artists from the world of humor, he said, “It is easier to laugh together than alone.” He also reminded them that homo sapiens is also homo ludens—the human person is not only a thinking being, but also a playful being. We are made not only for work, worry, and seriousness, but also for play, joy, and shared laughter.

Peter Berger, in Redeeming Laughter, takes this insight even deeper. He sees laughter as more than amusement. For Berger, the comic experience can point beyond ordinary reality. It gives us a glimpse of redemption—a hint that the brokenness, heaviness, and contradictions of life are not ultimate.

This does not mean laughter denies suffering. Sacred laughter is not escape. It is a small act of hope. It says, “This pain is real, but it is not the whole story.” Perhaps this is why laughter can feel so freeing. For a moment, the soul breathes. The heart remembers joy. The body participates in hope. To laugh is to be reminded that grace still moves through our tired lives.

Laughter can become the body’s prayer when words are not enough.

Notes

Berger, P. L. (1997). Redeeming laughter: The comic dimension of human experience. Walter de Gruyter.

Francis. (2024, June 14). Address of His Holiness Pope Francis to artists from the world of humor. The Holy See. https://www.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/speeches/2024/june/documents/20240614-artisti-umorismo.html

Mayo Clinic Staff. (2023). Stress relief from laughter? It’s no joke. Mayo Clinic.

Thieman, L. (2012). SelfCare for HealthCare: Your guide to physical, mental, and spiritual health. Priority Publishing.

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11 Ways to Cope With Stress

Stress is influenced not only by what happens to us but also by how we interpret a situation and evaluate our ability to handle it (Lazarus & Folkman, 1984). Although we may not be able to remove every source of stress, we can choose healthy responses that restore calm, energy, and perspective. Drawing on LeAnn Thieman’s practical suggestions, the following 11 strategies can help.

1. Smile Intentionally

Even when you do not feel like smiling, try holding a gentle smile for about 30 seconds. This simple action may help interrupt tension and shift your emotional state.

2. Practice Relaxation Breathing

Slow, deep breathing helps calm the body and reduce physical tension. Breathe in gently, pause briefly, and exhale slowly.

3. Visualize a Calm Response

Picture yourself handling the stressful situation with patience, confidence, and self-control. Mental rehearsal can prepare you to respond rather than react.

4. Take a Time-Out

Step away briefly when emotions become intense. Listen to calming music, enjoy humor, sit in silence, or engage in another peaceful activity.

5. Exercise

Physical movement helps release built-up tension. Walking, stretching, climbing stairs, or doing a short workout can restore energy and focus.

6. Spend Time Outdoors

Fresh air and contact with nature can clear the mind. Even a brief outdoor walk may provide distance from repetitive and stressful thoughts.

7. Pray

Prayer can create an inner space for reflection, surrender, and renewed strength. It helps us place our concerns within a larger perspective.

8. Eat Nutritiously

Stress can easily disrupt healthy eating habits. Balanced meals, adequate protein, and regular nourishment help the body maintain energy and emotional stability.

9. Get Enough Sleep

Rest is essential during stressful periods. Adequate sleep supports clearer thinking, emotional regulation, and physical recovery.

10. Sing

Singing can lift the spirit and provide emotional release. It reconnects us with joy, hope, and creativity.

11. Share Your Feelings

Talk with someone you trust or write your thoughts in a journal. Naming what you feel often reduces its intensity and brings greater clarity.

Coping with stress does not mean denying difficulty. It means recognizing that we still have choices. Small, repeated acts of self-care can help us move from feeling overwhelmed to feeling more grounded, supported, and capable.

Notes

Lazarus, R. S., & Folkman, S. (1984). Stress, appraisal, and coping. Springer.

Thieman, L. (2008). SelfCare for HealthCare: Your guide to physical, mental, and spiritual health. SelfCare for HealthCare.

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11 Ways to Cope With Stress

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“No One Cares”: A Spiritual Symptom of Stress

LeAnn Thieman identifies the thought “No one cares” as a spiritual symptom of stress. This is more than frustration or physical exhaustion. It reflects a deeper wound: the feeling that one’s efforts, pain, and presence no longer matter.

Caregivers, whether professionals serving their clients or family members caring for a sick relative, are especially vulnerable to this experience. They spend much of their time attending to others’ needs, often neglecting their own emotional and spiritual well-being. When appreciation is absent, support is limited, and responsibilities continue to increase, they may begin to feel invisible. The question beneath “No one cares” may actually be, “Does my life and service have meaning?”

Viktor Frankl offers an important psychological insight here. He believed that the search for meaning is one of the deepest human needs. People can endure suffering and difficulty when they remain connected to a purpose, a person, or a value greater than themselves. However, when meaning becomes clouded, stress can turn into emptiness, resentment, or despair.

Christian Scripture responds directly to this spiritual wound: “Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). The verse does not deny the burden. It invites the caregiver to stop carrying it alone. Even when human recognition is absent, God’s care remains present.

Frankl does not suggest that people should simply tolerate unhealthy conditions. Rather, he reminds us that even when circumstances cannot immediately be changed, we can still choose how we respond. We can reconnect with the values that first inspired our service, seek relationships in which we are genuinely seen, and recognize that our worth is not determined by how much praise we receive.

The feeling that “no one cares” should not be ignored. It may be an invitation to pause, receive care, speak honestly, and rediscover meaning. Sometimes healing begins when we remember that the caregiver, too, is held in care.

Notes

Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man’s search for meaning. Beacon Press. (Original work published 1946). 

Thieman, L. (2012). SelfCare for HealthCare: Your guide to physical, mental, and spiritual health. Priority Publishing. 

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No One Cares”: A Spiritual Symptom of Stress

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When Assumptions Become Suffering

Much of our suffering does not come only from what happened. It comes from what we assume happened.

Don Miguel Ruiz warns that the mind quickly fills in what it does not know. We assume that someone is angry with us, does not value us, or intentionally ignores us. We may also expect people who love us to automatically know what we need. Then, when they fail to meet expectations we never clearly expressed, we feel hurt, rejected, or resentful.

The deeper problem is that we often treat our assumptions as facts.

Psychiatrist Aaron Beck, one of the founders of cognitive therapy, described a similar pattern. He identified “mind reading” as a cognitive distortion—the tendency to believe that we know what another person is thinking without enough evidence. A delayed reply becomes “They do not care.” A tired expression becomes, “They are upset with me.” A disagreement becomes “They do not respect me.”

Once the assumption takes hold, our emotions begin responding to the story as though it were true. We may become anxious, angry, defensive, or distant—not because of what the other person actually intended, but because of the meaning we assigned to the situation.

Jesus offers a corrective when he says, “Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment” (John 7:24). Right judgment requires more than a first impression. It asks us to pause, listen, seek clarity, and remain open to the possibility that our interpretation may be incomplete.

This is both a spiritual and psychological discipline. Before reacting, we can ask: What do I actually know? What am I only assuming? Is there another possible explanation? Have I spoken honestly with the person involved?

Assumptions close the heart around a story. Truth opens the heart to reality.

Wisdom begins when we replace assumption with curiosity, accusation with conversation, and appearance with truth.

Notes

Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. International Universities Press.

Ruiz, D. M. (1997). The four agreements: A practical guide to personal freedom. Amber-Allen Publishing.

 

Prayer of the Whole Person

We often think of prayer as something we do mainly with words. We speak to God, recite familiar prayers, or sit silently. Yet prayer involves far more than the lips. It gathers the whole person—mind, body, emotions, attention, and desire—into the presence of God.

Neuroscientist Andrew Newberg studied experienced Franciscan nuns while they engaged in contemplative prayer through the inward repetition of a sacred phrase. Brain imaging showed changes in blood flow in areas involved in focused attention and language (Newberg et al., 2003). The study was small and preliminary, so it does not explain every experience of prayer. Still, it offers an important insight: prayer is not merely passive. The brain participates as we concentrate, remember sacred words, and direct our attention toward God.

Centuries earlier, John Cassian taught something similar from spiritual experience. Drawing upon the wisdom of the Desert Fathers, he understood prayer as more than a brief religious exercise. Our whole way of living prepares us to pray. What fills our minds, shapes our habits, and moves our hearts eventually enters our prayer.

Prayer, then, is not an escape from our humanity. It is the offering of our humanity. We bring our distracted thoughts, tired bodies, fears, gratitude, longings, and love.

Thomas of Celano said of St. Francis of Assisi that he was “not so much praying as becoming totally prayer.” Prayer had moved beyond particular words and moments. It had shaped the person he was becoming.

This is the deeper invitation: not only to say prayers, but to let prayer transform how we think, speak, work, suffer, love, and live. God invites the whole person—until, little by little, our life itself becomes prayer.

 

Notes

Cassian, J. (1997). The conferences (B. Ramsey, Trans.). Paulist Press.

Newberg, A., Pourdehnad, M., Alavi, A., & d’Aquili, E. (2003). Cerebral blood flow during meditative prayer: Preliminary findings and methodological issues. Perceptual and Motor Skills, 97(2), 625–630. https://doi.org/10.2466/pms.2003.97.2.625

Thomas of Celano. (2000). The remembrance of the desire of a soul. In R. J. Armstrong, J. A. W. Hellmann, & W. J. Short (Eds.), Francis of Assisi: Early documents: Vol. 2. The founder (pp. 233–393). New City Press.

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Prayer of the Whole Person

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