Standing with Mary Under the Cross

At the foot of the cross, Mary does something quietly astonishing: she stands. John’s Gospel does not portray her as collapsing into helplessness, but as remaining present in the face of unbearable sorrow. In a world that often equates strength with noise, Mary offers another kind of resilience—steady, sorrowful, and deeply faithful.

One of the first lessons is that pondering is not passive. In Scripture, Mary “kept these things in her heart,” but this is not mere daydreaming. It is the hard work of holding tension without letting it destroy us. As Ronald Rolheiser reminds us, whatever pain we do not transform, we transmit. Mary’s interior life shows us that reflection can be a form of spiritual strength, not escape.

A second lesson is the agency of standing. The Gospels say Mary stood under the cross, and that detail matters. Standing is not denial; it is presence. It means refusing to be swallowed by despair. Mary could not stop the crucifixion, but she could remain upright in love. Her stillness was not weakness. It was a courageous refusal to let suffering erase her dignity or her love for Jesus.

The third lesson is the power of not retransmitting bitterness. Mary receives the violence of the cross, but she does not return hatred for hatred. Rolheiser describes this as transforming negativity rather than retransmitting it. This is a deeply psychospiritual insight: resilience is not only surviving pain, but choosing not to let pain multiply through us. In a culture of reaction, Mary teaches restraint, metabolization, and grace.

Finally, the cross does not have the last word on our brokenness. Our suffering, however fragmented it leaves us, can become a path toward wholeness when we embrace it with faith (Baptist, 2021). Mary’s presence at Calvary tells us that God meets us not only in victory, but also in grief, loss, and uncertainty.

Mary at the cross is not a passive icon of helplessness. She is a model of inner strength, spiritual maturity, and holy resilience. She shows us that standing with love, rather than collapsing into bitterness, can become a path to healing. The question is not whether we will face crosses, but whether we will let them lead us into despair or open us toward God’s transforming presence.

 

Notes

Baptist, J. (2021). Brokenness to wholeness. Media House

Rolheiser, R. (2014). Sacred fire: A vision for a deeper human and Christian maturity. Image.

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Standing with Mary Under the Cross.

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Loneliness, Longing, and the Search for Connection

“Every person who has ever walked our earth has known the pain of loneliness,” reflects Ronald Rolheiser. Yet loneliness is often hidden because it is associated with weakness or shame. Many of us struggle to admit it to others—or even to ourselves. 

Loneliness, however, is part of the human story. No person lives or dies without experiencing it. Regardless of background, identity, or life circumstance, loneliness touches everyone. Rolheiser reminds us, “To be human is to be lonely. To be human, however, is also to respond.”

Loneliness carries many possibilities. At times it awakens creativity, meaning, and deeper reflection. At other times, it may lead to emotional numbing, unhealthy coping behaviors, or relational pain. Some people discover that loneliness opens a path to authentic love, while others experience it as spiritual and emotional struggle. Loneliness can offer glimpses of inner freedom or despair, depending on how it is received.

Modern life often encourages outward strength and self-sufficiency, making it difficult to acknowledge inner loneliness. When loneliness is denied, it does not disappear; instead, it may quietly disturb emotional well-being and diminish the sense of wholeness.

Healing begins when we name loneliness without shame. Rather than escaping it through distraction, overwork, or emotional withdrawal, we can learn to sit with it compassionately. Listening to loneliness reveals deeper human longing—the desire to be known, valued, and connected in meaningful ways.

Beneath loneliness lies longing. Loneliness is not only the pain of being alone but also the heart’s search for connection, love, and belonging. When faced honestly, loneliness can become a doorway to deeper self-awareness, healthier relationships, and spiritual openness.

The goal is not to eliminate loneliness but to discover life within it. When held with courage and grace, loneliness can guide us toward inner healing and authentic connection—with others, with ourselves, and with the Divine.

Loneliness is not absence; it is the presence of unspoken longing.

Notes

Rolheiser, R. (2004). The restless heart: Finding our spiritual home. Doubleday. 

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Loneliness, Longing, and the Search for Connection. 

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Listening as Spiritual Hospitality

We live in a loud world that is often strangely deaf. Words fill our homes, workplaces, parishes, and screens, yet many people still carry the ache of not being truly heard. Listening is more than politeness or technique. It is a form of spiritual hospitality.

Henri Nouwen describes listening as creating inner space where the other can enter without fear of being judged, fixed, or corrected. When we listen in this way, we open the door of our heart and say, “You are welcome here as you are.” For Christians, this means that every person who speaks to us carries a mystery and, in some way, the presence of Christ. When we receive their words, silence, confusion, and pain, we are welcoming the Lord who comes to us through fragile human stories.

Pope Francis often speaks of the Church as a “listening Church.” He warns against “dialogues among the deaf,” where everyone speaks but no one truly hears. To listen, he says, is to listen not only with the ears but with the heart, so that the other feels received rather than judged. This is not only the task of bishops or religious communities; it is the calling of families, friends, coworkers, parish ministers, and every person who wishes to love well.

Psychology helps deepen this vision. Carl Rogers spoke of empathic or “deep” listening—hearing not only the words, but the feelings and meanings beneath them. When a person feels deeply heard, accurately and without judgment, something in them begins to heal and grow. M. Scott Peck adds that true listening requires “bracketing”: setting aside our own opinions, stories, and urge to interrupt. For a moment, the other person is at the center, not us.

This is close to the Christian path of self-emptying love. In listening, we take the lower place. We resist the need to correct too quickly, advise too soon, or speak over another’s pain. We allow the other to unfold at their own pace. In that humility, we reflect Christ, who emptied himself and became a servant.

In community, ministry, prayer, and daily life, we may not always solve the problems we hear. But we can always offer this spiritual hospitality: a heart that says, “You do not have to be alone with this. I am here. God is here.” Such listening is a simple but powerful act of love, and it allows the Kingdom of God to grow quietly in others and in us.

 

Notes

Carl Rogers

Rogers, C. R. (1951). Client-Centered Therapy: Its Current Practice, Implications and Theory. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin.

Rogers, C. R. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin.

Henri Nouwen

Nouwen, H. J. M. (1975). Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life. New York, NY: Doubleday.

Nouwen, H. J. M. (2013). Discernment: Reading the Signs of Daily Life. New York, NY: HarperOne.

John Baptist

Baptist, J. (2023). Listening is Caring. https://lifespring-wholeness.blogspot.com/2023/07/listening-is-caring.html

Baptist, J. (2023). Listening is Understanding. https://lifespring-wholeness.blogspot.com/2023/08/listening-is-understanding.html

Baptist, J. (2023). Listening As Spiritual Hospitality. https://lifespring-wholeness.blogspot.com/2023/09/listening-as-spiritual-hospitality.html

Baptist, J. (2024). Listening to Understand. https://lifespring-wholeness.blogspot.com/2024/11/listening-to-understand.html

M. Scott Peck

Peck, M. S. (1978). The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster.

Pope Francis

Francis. (2013). Evangelii Gaudium (The Joy of the Gospel). Vatican City: Libreria Editrice Vaticana. https://www.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/apost_exhortations/documents/papa-francesco_esortazione-ap_20131124_evangelii-gaudium.html

Francis. (2023, October 4). Address of His Holiness Pope Francis on the occasion of the Opening of the Works of the XVI Ordinary General Assembly of the Synod of Bishops. Vatican City: Libreria Editrice Vaticana. https://www.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/speeches/2023/october/documents/20231004-apertura-sinodo.html

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Listening as Spiritual Hospitality

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The Third Temptation: The Seduction of Power

The third temptation of Jesus is the temptation to be powerful—to take control, to rule, to dominate (Matthew 4:8–10). In the wilderness, the devil shows Jesus “all the kingdoms of the world” and offers them to him. Jesus could have chosen influence, visibility, and unquestioned authority. Instead, he chooses worship, obedience, and the vulnerable path of love. Henri Nouwen sees this as a central temptation not only for bishops, priests, and religious, but for every one of us who longs, in large or small ways, to be “in charge” of life.

Psychologist Dacher Keltner’s “power paradox” sheds striking light on this seduction of power. He notes that people usually gain power through empathy, kindness, and generosity. Yet once they feel powerful, something begins to shift inside: they pay less attention, listen less carefully, and become more self‑focused. The very power that was granted because of care for others starts to erode that care. Power dulls our sensitivity. We stop truly seeing the people in front of us.

This is the spiritual terrain Nouwen invites us to examine. The danger is not only in having power, but in allowing power to slowly replace compassion, presence, and dependence on God. A priest who begins with a heart for the poor can gradually become more concerned with schedules, structures, and status. A religious sister can move from deep listening to quiet impatience. A lay person, once kind and available, can become consumed with productivity, income, and influence. It does not happen overnight; it happens through many small choices where we prefer control over relationship.

Jesus models another way. Faced with the offer of “all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor,” he refuses to build a life on control and prestige (Matthew 4:8–10). He anchors himself in worship: “Worship the Lord your God, and serve only him.” When God, not power, is at the center, leadership becomes service again, and ordinary life becomes a place of quiet, hidden influence through kindness.

 

Notes

Nouwen, H. (1989). In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership. Crossroad Keltner, D. (2016). The Power Paradox: How We Gain and Lose Influence. New York, NY: Penguin Press.Publishing.

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The Third Temptation: The Seduction of Power.

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The Second Temptation: The Seduction of Spectacle

In the Gospel account of the desert (Matthew 4:5–7; Luke 4:9–12), the devil takes Jesus to the pinnacle of the temple and urges Him: “Throw yourself down.” Scripture promises angels will catch Him. It sounds spiritual. It even sounds faithful. But beneath the suggestion lies something more subtle: Do something dramatic. Be undeniable. Let them see who you are.

Jesus refuses.

In In the Name of Jesus, Henri Nouwen calls this the second temptation—the temptation to be spectacular. It is the seduction of visibility, the pull toward admiration, the quiet belief that identity must be proven publicly to be secure.

This temptation is not confined to desert cliffs. It lives in modern life. We curate ourselves for approval. We measure impact through numbers and affirmation. We subtly equate being noticed with being valuable. The whisper remains the same: If they applaud you, you must matter.

Here, Donald Winnicott offers a psychological lens. Winnicott described the formation of the False Self—a self organized around meeting expectations and preserving approval. When love feels conditional, we learn to perform. We adapt. We impress. We become what is rewarded. The False Self protects us, but it also distances us from authenticity. Applause may grow louder while the inner self grows quieter. Spectacle becomes a substitute for intimacy. Visibility replaces rootedness.

Jesus’ refusal reveals another way. He does not leap to secure recognition. He rests in a deeper identity—one grounded in relationship with the Father, not in public display. He chooses hidden trust over dramatic proof. The seduction of spectacle is powerful because it promises certainty: If they see you, you will be secure. But true security is not born of admiration. It is born of belonging.

The second temptation invites us to examine where we seek affirmation. Are we building our lives on applause, or on presence? The path away from spectacle is quieter. It leads inward, toward prayer, toward integration, toward the courage to be real without needing to be impressive.

 

Notes

Nouwen, H. (1989). In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership. Crossroad Publishing.

Winnicott, D. W. (1965). The maturational processes and the facilitating environment: Studies in the theory of emotional development. International Universities Press.

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The Second Temptation: The Seduction of Spectacle

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The First Temptation: The Illusion of Relevance

In the wilderness, a fasting Jesus hears the tempter’s voice: “Command these stones to become loaves of bread” (Matthew 4:3). On the surface, it is about hunger. Beneath it, something deeper stirs—the invitation to prove worth through usefulness.

Turn stones into bread.
Turn scarcity into supply.
Turn yourself into the one who fixes and provides.

Henri Nouwen calls this the temptation of relevance—the drive to define ourselves by what we do rather than who we are. It is a subtle psychospiritual trap. We begin to believe our value rests in productivity, competence, and being needed.

We know this rhythm well. We say yes to one more request, solve one more crisis, respond to one more message. For a moment, there is a quiet rush in being indispensable. But it fades, often leaving exhaustion behind. Beneath the busyness lingers a harder question: If I am not useful, am I still worthy?

Gabor Maté reminds us that when self-worth is tied to external validation, it becomes fragile. It rises with success and collapses with failure. This contingent self-esteem fuels anxiety, stress, and an emptiness no achievement can satisfy.

Spiritually, the cost is profound. When usefulness becomes identity, we begin to live as though God’s love must be earned. We chase relevance to quiet shame—shame often rooted in childhood wounds or cultural expectations. Yet striving rarely heals shame; it deepens it.

Jesus answers simply: “One does not live by bread alone” (v.4). Life is not sustained by performance but by relationship—by every word that comes from God.

Lent invites resistance. What if we fasted from fixing? What if we allowed moments of holy “uselessness”? In stillness, we rediscover what productivity cannot give: belovedness.

You do not need to turn stones into bread to be loved. Let God feed you first. From divine union—not human striving—true relevance gently flows.

 

Notes

Maté, G. (2018). The Return to Ourselves: Trauma, Healing, and the Myth of Normal. Boulder, CO: Sounds True. (6 compact discs).

Nouwen, H. (1989). In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership. Crossroad Publishing.

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The First Temptation: The Illusion of Relevance.

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Encountering Demons and Angels Within

When Mark tells us that “the Spirit drove Jesus out into the wilderness… and he was with the wild beasts” (Mk 1:12–13), he is not just describing scenery. He is showing us where real transformation happens: at the edge of our inner desert, where we encounter our “beasts”—and discover that God is there too.

In the Gospel of Mark, the wilderness and meeting the beasts are not accidental. The Spirit leads Jesus there. The desert is not punishment; it is initiation. It is the place where illusions fall away and truth surfaces.

Drawing on the wisdom of the Desert Fathers, Anselm Grün reminds us that the “demons” we face are not only external forces but also the raw energies of our own fear, anger, craving, and shame. Faced honestly, these forces do not have to destroy us; they can become places of encounter and slow inner transformation. The desert is where we stop running from ourselves and allow God’s light to fall on what we usually hide.

Lent invites us into that same inner wilderness. When we fast, simplify, or spend quiet time in prayer, our inner beasts often wake up: old resentments, loneliness, compulsions, the urge to control. Instead of seeing this as a failure, we can see it as the beginning of deeper work. Like the monks, we “fight the demons” not by hating ourselves or forcing change, but by staying present, naming what is there, and letting Christ stand with us in it.

Mark adds that “angels ministered to him.” The wild beasts and the angels surround Jesus at the same time. Our own deserts are like that: a mix of danger and hidden help. To encounter demons and angels within this Lent is not to go alone into darkness, but to join Jesus in a place where even your most untamed parts can be met — not with contempt, but with a fierce, liberating mercy.

Transformation begins where avoidance ends.

Notes

Grün, A. (2000). Heaven begins within you: Wisdom from the Desert Fathers. Crossroad Publishing Company.

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Encountering Demons and Angels Within

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