Contempt or Kindness?

 

 Human beings, by nature, are imperfect beings. Who can be perfect but God alone. Human beings, being flawed, experience limitations and failures. I do not know a person who always succeeds and never fails. Do you? I hear you whispering no. Therefore, this becomes clear that human beings fail and undergo painful experiences. You and me too. 

We can respond to our pains and failures in two ways – contempt or kindness. Now, remember how did you relate to yourself the last time you encountered pain, rejection, humiliation, or failure? Did you become a contemptuous Hitler, blaming yourself totally (or even others)? Or, were you kind to yourself, as you would to a dear friend in her failure. Kristin Neff, a well-known writer on self-compassion, says, “We don’t have a lot of control over our personal characteristics — our inborn personality, our body type, our health, the good or bad fortune of our circumstances. But what we can do is start being kind to ourselves when confronting our limitations, and we can suffer less because of them”.

Many of our negative experiences may not be in our control but, suffering due to them can be. The way to move from suffering to peace, healing and growth is through kindness. Be kind to yourself – as God would. 

 

Notes

1.Kristin Neff (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. 

 

 

 CREATED TO CARE

Human beings have many needs, such as air, food, safety, on which their survival depends. Care is an equally important need, perhaps more important. Care is acknowledging that the other person is valuable and therefore needs to be looked after and provided for their needs which are necessary for their wellbeing and growth. Care is feeling a deep concern and interest in the other. To give and receive care is in the DNA of human beings (of course, which can be hampered). Kristin Neff, a well known American researcher, says, “that the capacity to feel affection and interconnection is part of our biological nature. Our brains are actually designed to care”.

            The well-known psychologist Harry Harlow was one of the first to examine the development of care and attachment in the mammalian system back in the 1950s. Harlow studied the behaviour of newborn rhesus monkeys who were separated from their mothers and reared alone in a cage. The question was whether the baby monkeys would spend more time with a soft, terrycloth pretend mother—who at least offered some degree of warmth and comfort—or a stark, wire-mesh figure that held a milk-dispensing bottle but provided little comfort. The answer was clear. The baby monkeys clung to their cloth mommies as if their life depended on it, only moving to the stark wire-mesh figures long enough to take a quick drink. What’s striking about this finding is that the emotional comfort offered by a snuggly cloth appeared to create a stronger drive in the monkeys than the food itself. Care was as powerful a survival need as nutrition. 

Human experience shows that the insights derived from the above experiment are also true for human beings. When a child is in distress it runs to his or her parents looking for care. Doesn’t a child stop crying in the hug of her mother, even when they are hurt? Not only children but adults too seek care in their relationships. The experience of care offers individuals courage, hope, and a soothing balm when they feel abandoned, down, and hurt. Care brings healing to the broken hearts and devastated spirits. When people feel uncared, they often resort to unhealthy behaviours and in fact end their lives. Therefore the Bible says, “Man cannot live by bread alone.” Caring for one another is in our biology; our survival depends on it. There is an invitation for each one of us to develop the gift of care and harness the positive energy available in this great gift for we are created to care. 

 

Notes

1.Kristin Neff (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.  

2. Mathew 4:4

 

Fr. Stan Swamy: A Seed

Stan Swamy: who were you?

A priest, a prophet, or a social activist?

Perhaps all of them and much more. 

 

Fr Stan, you were a man for the poor 

Strength for the marginalized

Voice for the voiceless

Power for the powerless

Staff for the fallen and,

A consciousness in an unconscious, 

dead and corrupt society.

 

You lived your religious charism,

Perfecting love for God and neighbour, 

Blending faith and works together.

Your love and commitment for the poor

Was a lamp on a hilltop, shining brightly. 

God was in your heart

And people in your deeds. 

You fearlessly dedicated your life 

to the poor and marginalized tribals of India. 

 

Some evil and arrogant powers 

Could not tolerate the awareness and growth of the powerless tribals. 

Because this exposed the mighty's greed and injustice.

 

Thus, they imprisoned you,

But they did not know that you are a Voice, 

That cannot be fettered by chains. 

 

They restricted your movements 

But they did not know that you are Light,

That cannot be imprisoned by iron bars.

 

They buried you under many false allegations

But they did not know that you are a Seed

That will give birth to a hundred other Stans.