Soften Your Heart

 

We can harden our hearts in two ways: first, by not being moved seeing the suffering of our brothers and sisters, and second, by not allowing others and God to soothe and heal us when we suffer.

 

The story of a leper narrated by Mark (1. 40-45), is an example of the second type of hardening of the heart. A leper approached Jesus and said, “If you wish, you can make me clean.” The leper asked for healing, but did he really think that Jesus would be interested in him? 

 

Understand the leper’s encounter, we need to understand the situation of lepers in the first century. Lepers were chased out of colonies and prohibited from entering public places including places of worship. They dreaded the gradual decay of their body. Perhaps, the more excruciating agony was their experience of emotional and spiritual alienation. Their townspeople, including family, rejected them. They could not go to places of worship and pour out their sorrows to God. They felt rejected, worthless, and abandoned by all. 

 

Looking through that cultural lens, we can see the inner psyche of the leper who asked for healing from Jesus. Being rejected continuously by people, he developed a self-image that he was worthless and that no one really would care about him. Though he had heard about the compassion and healing power of Jesus, he almost expected to be rejected by Jesus. It was as if he said, “If you feel like it, you can heal me, otherwise, no worry, I’m okay to be rejected and will go on my way; I don’t necessarily deserve healing.” The answer of Jesus was very emphatic, he said, “I do wish that you be clean.”

 

Continuous frustrations, rejections, and suffering can harden our hearts and shut us off from any genuine soothing and healing that can flow to us from God and from our brothers and sisters. Experiences of rejection, betrayal, separation, and pain can make us bitter and pessimistic toward relationships. 

 

Such experiences of suffering and disconnect can harden our hearts to the love and joy available to us. We can choose to suffer alone, hesitant to ask for help and support. Sadly, we can altogether shut ourselves to the priceless gift of relationships. Gradually, we can alienate ourselves not only from our fellow beings but also from God. We can choose to live a life of misery and disconnect. 

 

All people may not care about us, but some people do care about us. God cares about us. Can we soften our hearts and allow God and others to apply the balm of acceptance, love, and healing, particularly when we hurt?

 

Listening is Understanding

When you speak, you regurgitate what you already know, but when you listen, you learn and understand. Understanding the other person helps you to have empathy for the other person and connect with him or her at a deeper level. No understanding and deep relationship can be built without good listening. Listening is a gift as well as a skill. Listening can be enhanced by the following practices. 

Avoid formulating your response

           Listening invites you to drop all preoccupations and biases and pay full attention to the person speaking. Often, there is a danger in communication that you start thinking about what you are going to say when the person speaking stops. Listening requires that you are not busy formulating your response.[1] If you are busy formulating your response then you can lose the message or receive it only partially. When you do not truly know what the other person tried to convey how can you constructively respond? Missing the message, or receiving a partial message can lead to chaos, misunderstanding, conflict, and hurt. Therefore, when you listen, listen with your whole heart and mind. Once the person has spoken, you can respond. 

Avoid judging

           The spirit of listening requires that you avoid judging the other person for what they say and how they say it.[2] It is possible that you may not agree with what they say or like the words and tone of voice used. If you disagree with what the other person says, you do not have to react on the spot. If you react then you are likely to miss the message and the communication may end in conflict. 

You must listen to the message of the other person and how he or she feels, despite you having a difference of opinion. Often, people can use words and tones that are not conducive for effective communication, nevertheless, that does not mean that there is no message in their communication. On your part, you can be calm, listen to the other person, and respond when appropriate. 

           Acceptance of the other does not mean that you agree with the content of the other. It means that you acknowledge the experience and feelings of the other. You can empathize with them, understanding their experience and feelings. Listening leads to understanding and understanding resolves problems and builds healthy relationships. 

 

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[1] Norman Wright, Communication: Key to Your Marriage – The Secret to True Happiness, Ventura CA: Regal, 1995.

[2] Norman Wright, Communication: Key to Your Marriage – The Secret to True Happiness, Ventura CA: Regal, 1995.