“Job's comforters” is a phrase that originates from the Bible, specifically the Book of Job—a masterpiece on understanding suffering. It refers to people who, instead of providing genuine comfort during difficult times, offer judgment, blame, or unhelpful advice that adds to one's suffering.
In the story, Job is a righteous man who suffers immense personal loss and physical affliction. Job’s three friends visit him to offer comfort. However, they end up blaming Job for his misfortunes, suggesting that his suffering must be due to some hidden sin. Rather than consoling him, they make his ordeal worse. Theologian Harold Kushner comments on this, saying, “He needed physical comforting, people sharing their strength with him, holding him rather than scolding him.”
We often encounter individuals who suffer in various ways. When offering comfort to them, we need to ensure that our words and actions do not spring from our own fears, needs, or feelings—nor from a desire to defend God (God can defend Himself). Otherwise, we risk making things worse.
To make our interactions more compassionate, Rabbi Kushner suggests avoiding behaviors such as minimizing the mourner’s pain, rejecting their feelings, or being critical. Below are examples of responses to avoid:
Minimizing the Mourner’s Pain
· “It is for your best.”
· “Things could have been worse.”
Rejecting the Feelings of Pain
· “We have no right to question God.”
· “God must love you; that’s why you are selected for this pain.”
Being Critical of the Mourner
· “Don’t take it to heart.”
· “Hold your tears and be strong.”
· “Don’t be sad; you are upsetting people.”
To be truly helpful to those who suffer, we need to set aside our own concerns and agendas, genuinely seeking to understand what the other person is going through. In this understanding—and in making the pain of others our own—we may offer genuine comfort.
Notes
Kushner H. S. (1981). When bad things happen to good people (pp. 99-100). Anchor Books.
Great article! Often we need acceptance than advice.
ReplyDeleteSimple and sweet advise to help people in pain and suffering to get the right comfort.
ReplyDelete🙏🏽
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