Dying to Grow: The Path to New Beginnings

The new year is upon us once again, inviting us to look forward with hope, make fresh decisions, and walk new paths. At the start of each year, many of us make resolutions—some to spend more time on studies or with family, to begin exercising or adopting healthier eating habits, others to quit smoking, drinking, or other harmful behaviors, while still others aspire to engage in more meaningful, spiritual, or compassionate pursuits. Yet, the initial enthusiasm often fades with time. Embracing something new in our lives is rarely easy. We tend to cling to our old, familiar ways, even when they no longer serve us—or worse, when they become harmful. As the poet W.H. Auden wisely observed, “We would rather be ruined than changed.” Change is difficult, sometimes even painful, but failing to change leads only to stagnation, deterioration, and ultimately, death.

To begin something new often requires that something old within us must die. Without this shedding, the new cannot emerge and endure. Archbishop Fulton Sheen captured this truth beautifully: “When we die to something, something comes alive within us. If we die to self, charity comes alive; if we die to pride, service comes alive; if we die to lust, reverence for personality comes alive; if we die to anger, love comes alive.” Before we embark on the journey of the new and the noble, we must pause and reflect on what we need to let go of in order to make room for what is new. The new life demands a price—the price of the old self.

This year, let us reflect on what we want to see come alive in our lives, our families, and our communities—and consider what we must let die in order for the new to take root. Change is necessary. Change is growth. Change is life.          

 

 

Notes

Auden, W.H. in Hersh, S. A. (2022). (belonging): Finding the way back to one another. NavPress.  

Sheen F. in Hersh, S. A. (2022). (belonging): Finding the way back to one another. NavPress.  

Christmas: The Gift of Being Home

Christmas is here again—a time for stars, lights, Santa Claus, mangers, and delicious food. But Christmas is much more than these familiar images; it is the promise of being home. In a world fractured by loneliness, addictions, and a deep yearning for more, Christmas offers the gift of belonging—of finding a home, deeply connected to God and one another.

From childhood to advanced years, every person longs for something more in their life. We seek something that will quench our restlessness, satisfy our chaotic search for meaning, and fulfill our deepest longings. Often, we try to fill this void by buying things, staying busy, presenting ourselves in certain ways, or connecting with thousands of people on social media. Yet, day after day, year after year, the longing remains—and in many ways, it only intensifies, even as we keep searching for more.

Perhaps, beneath all our restless desires, lies a deeper longing to be at home—to truly belong. To be at home is to be accepted, appreciated, and loved for who we truly are. Home is not merely a place; it is an experience—a space where we can be ourselves and freely give and receive love. Until we are truly home—until we deeply belong—we will continue to feel restless, chaotic, and desperately searching for something outside ourselves.

Christmas reminds us of the profound truth that God came to us, offering a deeper relationship with both God and one another. We no longer need to search for a home, for in God, we find our home. And in God, all people become our siblings, including all of creation. Can we recognize the deeper yearning for God and for true belonging in all our restlessness and hustle? If we can uncover the roots of our desire for more, perhaps we can open ourselves to genuine connection with God and with each other. As St. Augustine once said, "Our hearts are restless until they rest in God." In God, we find the peace of truly belonging—not only to God but to one another, to our brothers and sisters, and to the whole of creation, all made in God’s image.

May the birth of Christ help us open our hearts to the gift of being home and inspire us to help others discover true belonging—deeply and authentically.

 

Groupthink vs. Authenticity: How to Belong Without Losing Yourself

As social beings, we gain many benefits from being part of a group, whether it’s a family, community, team, or even a broader society. But sometimes, group dynamics can become overly controlling or rigid in beliefs, leading to a phenomenon known as “groupthink.” 

Groupthink occurs when the desire for conformity within a group leads to irrational or poor decision-making. Members prioritize consensus over critical thinking, often suppressing dissent or overlooking risks to avoid conflict. This is particularly common in close-knit groups with strong leaders or rigid beliefs, where members may agree outwardly while privately feeling misaligned. 

Groups affected by groupthink often resist new ideas or evidence, leading to flawed decisions, stunted growth, and added burdens on certain members—often those who are already marginalized. Psychologist Kelly-Ann Allen has observed that, in order to feel accepted, people often censor their speech and even thoughts, sacrificing authenticity and factual accuracy. This self-censorship shows the lengths people will go to avoid being seen as an outcast. Yet, belonging by compromising one’s authenticity might serve a social purpose but takes away from life’s richness and personal fulfillment. 

True belonging requires first connecting deeply with oneself. When we embrace our whole selves, including both our strengths and vulnerabilities, we can engage with others authentically. Only then can we contribute meaningfully to a group without losing ourselves in the process. 

 

Notes 

Allen, K. (2021). The psychology of belonging (pp. 23-24). Routledge. 

The Burden of Inflexibility: Unpacking the Roots of Human Suffering

The topic of human suffering is an age-old enigma, explored through theological, social, and psychological lenses. Honest reflection and research reveal that suffering is a complex issue with no single cause. One significant contributor to human suffering is inflexibility.

According to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), psychological inflexibility lies at the core of human suffering. It refers to a rigid way of thinking, feeling, and behaving that limits a person's ability to adapt to changing circumstances, particularly when dealing with stress or emotions. People who experience psychological inflexibility often avoid uncomfortable thoughts, emotions, or situations, preventing them from aligning their actions with their values or addressing challenges effectively. 

For example, some may find it extremely difficult to accept the end of a relationship, clinging to someone who has clearly abused or exploited them. The inability to let go prolongs the emotional pain and leads to deeper suffering. Others may resist changing long-held political, cultural, or religious beliefs, even when faced with evidence of misconceptions or obsolescence, because the idea of questioning these ingrained assumptions feels frightening. In such cases, inflexibility leads to restricted living and intensified suffering.

While pain itself is unpleasant, it is often our resistance to change and unwillingness to adapt that deepens our suffering. Clinging to outdated thoughts, emotions, beliefs, or behaviors—long after it is time to let them go—creates unnecessary hardship.

By understanding the burden of inflexibility, we can begin to see how resistance to change amplifies our suffering. Life is inherently unpredictable, offering both joys and challenges that require us to adapt and grow. When we embrace psychological flexibility, we lighten this burden, allowing ourselves to respond to pain and adversity with greater wisdom and resilience. Letting go of rigidity fosters healing, growth, and deeper joy within the journey of life.

Notes

Stoddard, J. A. & Afari, N.  (2014). The big book of ACT metaphors: A practitioner’s guide to experiential exercises & metaphors in acceptance & commitment therapy. Anchor Books, p. 6.