What Did Mary Do Standing Under the Cross?

Mary’s life can be captured in a single phrase: “she pondered” (Luke 2:19). The Greek word translated as ponder means to think something through deeply—to reflect intensely and consider all its angles. That’s the common understanding in Greek and in English. This would have described Mary well if the Gospels had been written in the philosophical tone of someone like Aristotle.

But while the Gospels were written in Greek, they carried a deeply Hebrew way of thinking. According to Ron Rolheiser, the Hebrew sense of ponder means “to hold, carry, and transform tension so as not to give it back in kind—knowing that whatever energies we do not transform, we will transmit.”

This understanding of pondering is deeply connected to the moment Mary stands under the cross (John 19:25). What was she doing there? Her presence is often seen as an image of piety or sympathy. On the surface, she appears passive—she doesn’t speak, protest the crucifixion, or plead for Jesus’ innocence. She is silent.

But her silence is not weakness. Mary is standing, not collapsed or kneeling—postures that might suggest helplessness or resignation. She is grounded, strong.

Rolheiser captures this beautifully:

“Today, I can’t stop the crucifixion; nobody can. Sometimes darkness will have its hour. But I can stop some of the hatred, bitterness, jealousy, and heartlessness that caused it—by refusing to give it back in kind, by transforming negativity rather than retransmitting it, by swallowing hard, in silence, and eating the bitterness rather than giving it back in kind.”

Mary did not give back in kind. She held the pain, swallowed the bitterness, and transformed it—into grace, forgiveness, peace, and strength.

In my book Brokenness to Wholeness, I reflected:

“Human suffering need not be an obstacle to the joy and peace we so desire, but can become, instead, the means to it.”

This becomes possible when, like Mary, we recognize God’s presence even in our pain. When we resist the urge to return pain for pain—rejection for rejection, humiliation for humiliation—and instead hold the suffering long enough for it to be transformed into something life-giving.

Mary, standing under the cross, invites us to do the same:
To stand with courage in our pain.
To refuse to give back in kind.

And to transform suffering into healing, bitterness into grace, and brokenness into wholeness.

 

Notes

Rolheiser, R. (2014). Sacre fire: A vision for a deeper human and Christian maturity (pp. 147-149). Image.

Baptist, J. (2021). Brokenness to Wholeness. Media House.