When Grief Knocks, Let Love In

Loss is part of the human story. We lose possessions, jobs, relationships, and sometimes the people we love most. Any loss can be painful, but losing someone who has been part of your life for a long time can feel like the weight of the world pressing on your heart. You may wonder how life can have meaning without them. Everything can seem empty and joyless. You might withdraw from people and slip into isolation.

Grief is personal and shaped by each person’s culture, beliefs, and relationship to the one they’ve lost. There is no single “right” way to grieve. For some, being alone for a time can offer space to process. But staying apart from the care of family, friends, and community for too long can deepen loneliness instead of bringing healing.

Rabbi Harold Kushner offers a gentle reminder for such times: when grief knocks, open the door and let people in. Allow them to come into your home, share in your sorrow, and remind you that you are still alive and part of a living world. Nothing can replace the person you’ve lost, but that doesn’t mean they should be buried in silence. You can keep their memory alive by speaking about them, sharing their stories, and expressing what you miss most.

Opening your heart to those who come with genuine care can bring comfort, connection, and a sense of not being alone. Sharing your grief will not bring your loved one back, but it can honor their life and allow their spirit to remain present—woven into your story as you take each step forward.

Grief knocks alone, but healing enters with others.

 

Notes

Kushner H. S. (1981). When bad things happen to good people (p. 133). Anchor Books.

Calming the Terrors of Un-belonging

Humans carry within them a deep, innate need to connect—woven into our very DNA is a longing to belong. Whether we are aware of it or not, this desire quietly guides our choices, our behaviors, and our relationships. To feel like we don’t belong—what we might call un-belonging—can be profoundly painful.

Toko-pa Turner, a Canadian writer and founder of Dream School, speaks powerfully about the ache of being on the outside of belonging. She writes that un-belonging is “the excruciating belief that you are not needed. That life does not consider you necessary. When nobody comes after you with invitation, it confirms your worst fear and sends you pushing further into the province of exile, even towards the cold beckoning of death.”

Her words give voice to the rawness many of us have felt at some point in our lives. For some, this pain is fleeting; for others, it becomes a silent burden carried for years. The feeling that we are not needed or valued can show up anywhere: in a romantic relationship, a friendship, a family system, a faith community, or a workplace. Sometimes it stems from actual rejection. Other times, it's rooted in our own mistaken assumptions—or a painful mix of both. In the grip of un-belonging, we may begin to see ourselves as worthless, pushing away even those who truly care. In extreme cases, this self-rejection can turn inward, leading to despair or even suicidal thoughts. Turner calls suicide “the ultimate self-rejection.”

So what can we do when we feel exiled from connection? Turner offers an unexpected but healing response: to stand fully in our own un-belonging. Rather than fleeing from it, we are invited to become friendly with the terrors of loneliness and exclusion. When we begin to embrace our own aloneness, something powerful happens—we start calming the voices that scream we’re not enough, not lovable, not wanted.

True belonging, it turns out, doesn’t come from avoiding loneliness, but from moving toward it with compassion. As we do this, the fear of rejection loses its grip. We become more rooted in ourselves and more capable of extending invitations to connect—and of receiving the invitations others offer us.

 

Notes 

Turner, T. (2017). Belonging: Remembering ourselves home (pp. 22-25). Her Own Room Press. 

Already Loved

Christian Scripture affirms that God loves us consistently and unconditionally, whether we are good or bad. This raises an honest question: Why be good if we're already loved, even when we act unjustly or exploit others?

Ronald Rolheiser reflects on this with piercing clarity:
If God loves us equally when we are bad and when we are good, then why be good? This is an interesting question, though not a deep one. Love, understood properly, is never a reward for being good. Goodness, rather, is always a consequence of having been loved. We are not loved because we are good, but hopefully we become good as we experience love.

This truth unravels our transactional instincts. Love that requires goodness in exchange is business, not grace. Real love - divine love - doesn't demand worthiness, but creates it. When we're truly soaked in the reality of being accepted as we are, something shifts: we begin to mirror the love we've received.

Rewards and punishments can manufacture temporary compliance, but they can't transform. The moment the incentives disappear, so does the "goodness" they produced. But love - the kind that meets us in our mess and whispers "you're mine" before we change - this love does something radical. It doesn't force goodness upon us; it draws out the goodness placed within us.

To be loved like this is to be given new eyes. We start seeing ourselves as the One who loves us sees us: not as projects to fix, but as beloved to restore. And from this place of secure love, we discover our truest selves - not perfect, but being made whole. Here, goodness isn't an obligation; it's the natural fruit of knowing we're already, irrevocably loved.

 

 

Notes

·       Rolheiser, R. (2014). Sacred fire: A vision for a deeper human and Christian maturity (p. 118). Image.

·       John 3:16, often cited, highlights God's love for the world to the extent of giving his only son.

·       Romans 5:8 emphasizes that God demonstrated his love by sending Christ to die for us even while we were still sinners, demonstrating love regardless of our flaws.