Hurt. Anger. Healing

Hurt is a universal experience. We can be deeply wounded by sickness, betrayal, injustice, failure, accidents, or the death of someone we love. When such pain comes—especially when it’s not our fault—we feel hurt, and that hurt can easily turn into anger. Anger, in itself, is not wrong; it’s often a healthy and reasonable response to being hurt.

Rabbi Harold Kushner offers a gentle reflection on what we often do—and what we might do differently—when we’re hurt and angry. When faced with unfair pain, we might direct our anger toward others, God, or ourselves. We may lash out at those who care for us, pushing them away when we most need support. We might turn our anger toward God, which doesn’t harm God, but can close us off from the comfort and strength faith and community can offer. Or we may turn our anger inward, leading to guilt and depression.

So what do we do with anger that grows out of hurt? Kushner suggests, “The goal, if we can achieve it, would be to be angry at the situation.” By being angry at the unfairness itself—not at people or God—we acknowledge the injustice without isolating ourselves. Shouting, crying, or protesting what feels wrong helps release the energy of hurt. And in doing so, we remain open to the love, support, and healing that can flow from others and from God.

It’s not easy to face life’s painful and unfair moments. Anger will surface—it’s okay. But when we direct that anger toward the situation rather than against others or ourselves, we make space for healing, compassion, and even growth.

 

Notes

Kushner H. S. (1981). When bad things happen to good people (p. 120). Anchor Books.