People go through many experiences — some joyful, some painful. It is easy to assume that frightening or humiliating events permanently shape a person for the worse. But is it the event itself that defines us — or the meaning we give to it?
Psychologist Alfred Adler, a colleague of Freud, challenged the idea that negative experiences automatically produce negative lives. Kishimi and Koga recount Adler’s insight: “No experience is in itself a cause of our success or failure… We are not determined by our experiences, but the meaning we give them is self-determining.” For Adler, it is how we interpret events — not the events themselves — that shapes our lives.
Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, reflecting on resilience amid extreme suffering, expressed a similar insight: “Those who have a ‘why’ to live can bear almost any ‘how.’” Meaning gives endurance. Purpose gives strength. When a person locates meaning, even severe hardship can become bearable and transformative.
This principle also resonates with Scripture: “So we do not lose heart… For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:16–18). The focus shifts from outward events to inner perspective. Strength grows from how life is interpreted, not simply from what happens.
Kishimi and Koga, in The Courage to Be Disliked, clarify that this does not deny the real influence of trauma, loss, or early wounds. Painful experiences do shape us, but what ultimately guides life is the meaning we assign to them. Life is not merely something that happens to us; it is something we shape through our choices, reflections, and interpretations.
Events matter — but meaning matters more. Two people can face the same hardship and emerge very differently, depending on how they understand it. When meaning is guided by purpose, reflection, and faith, suffering itself can become a doorway to growth. We may not choose every experience, but we can choose how we read it — and that choice quietly, powerfully shapes who we become.
We are defined less by events than by the story we tell about them.
Notes
Kishimi, I., & Koga, F. (2017). The courage to be disliked: How to free yourself, change your life, and achieve real happiness. Atria Books.
Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man’s search for meaning. Beacon Press. (Original work published 1946)
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What Truly Guides Us: Event or Meaning?
Explore this theme in three different formats—each offering a unique way to reflect and engage:
📄 Article: https://lifespring-wholeness.blogspot.com/2026/02/what-truly-guides-us-event-or-meaning.html
🎧 Audio: https://youtu.be/yU4ON7qtxkI
🎥 Video: https://youtu.be/bdrOiOSxZeE
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wonderful. Very true
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