The Silent Wound: How We Become Our Own Worst Enemy

Life can hurt us in many ways. We may experience rejection, loss, injury, or unfortunate circumstances. Some of these experiences can be deeply painful. Yet, what is more tragic is when we begin to believe that we deserve the hurt. We convince ourselves that we did not do well enough, or that we are simply not good enough, and that this is why we suffer. In doing so, we allow the wounds inflicted by life to fester with guilt, assuming we are unworthy. What could be more devastating than choosing to continue harming and destroying ourselves?

It is sadly true that we can sometimes be our own worst enemy, repeatedly inflicting harm on ourselves. This may occur after experiencing humiliation or rejection from someone. In response, we may distance ourselves from the very people who care about us, ignoring invitations and rejecting the company of those who genuinely reach out with love and support. We push them away, preferring isolation over connection, and gradually, we become accustomed to a life of separation and rejection. In these moments, it is not always others who isolate us—it is often a choice we make ourselves.

After a series of painful experiences, we may lose hope in others and in ourselves, questioning the value of relationships, love, and life. Although it is not easy, we can stop being our own worst enemies and break the cycle of silent self-harm. We can find the courage to trust again—in the goodness of others, in our own worth, and in the possibilities that life still offers.

Where is God in Our suffering?

Bad things happen—even to good people. Wildfires, hurricanes, plane crashes, mass murders, and acts of violence cause untold damage to countless lives every year, often in irreversible ways. In such moments, the burning question, “Where is God when bad things happen to us?” can make us restless and uncertain. One of the most painful tragedies in history was the Holocaust, perpetrated by Adolf Hitler. In the face of such horror, one might ask, “Where was God when Hitler was killing innocent men, women, and children?” Similarly, in today’s world, one might wonder, “Why does God not intervene to stop an aggressor?”

God created us with the freedom to think, create, act, and relate to one another. This freedom grants us the capacity to choose love or hatred, to build or destroy, to heal or hurt. God does not stop us from making these choices, because doing so would deny our humanity. But even with this understanding, the question persists: “Where is God when bad things happen to good people?”

Rabbi Harold Kushner offers insight, suggesting that in moments of suffering and tragedy, God is on the side of the victim. God is the victim. Hurting an innocent person is, in a sense, hurting God. God does not cause evil, nor does God take pleasure in the suffering humans endure due to the actions of evil individuals or groups. Kushner argues that to justify horrors like the Holocaust as part of some greater good or as a means of purifying souls is to side with the aggressor and perpetuate the evil and horror itself.

Evil, inhuman acts, and suffering are not part of God's will. When bad things happen, God is with us—God is in us. God is love, and as beings created in God's image, we are called to live with love and kindness, to stand with the victims. We have the freedom and capacity to become like Adolf Hitler or like Mother Teresa. We have the power to either perpetuate harm or to bring healing.

 

Notes

Kushner H. S. (1981). When bad things happen to good people (p. 91). Anchor Books.

Hope: A Necessity for Overcoming Darkness

Can hopelessness kill people? By the time you finish reading this article, at least six people will have died by suicide (World Health Organization, WHO). According to the WHO, 800,000 people suffering from mental illness die by suicide each year globally. Many of these tragic cases are deeply linked to overwhelming feelings of hopelessness. There are other scenarios, not included in this count, such as substance abuse, chronic illness, breakups, and other adverse situations that foster hopelessness, tragically leading some individuals to end their own lives.

Even for those who do not take the drastic step of suicide, the effects of hopelessness can be devastating. Many of us may continue living but without any real joy for the present or hope for the future, existing rather than truly living. Hope is essential in facing the pain and darkness of life, guiding us toward a brighter and more meaningful future. It is not a mere option but a necessity if we want to live with joy, contentment, and a sense of purpose.

Hope does not erase the darkness or shorten the night. Instead, it equips us to rise up and walk through it with courage and perseverance. Hope ignites a light within our soul, empowering us to move forward even in the thickest of darkness.

Consider one current challenge in your life. Reflect on how cultivating hope might help you take that next step toward a new dawn.

 

Notes,

World Health Organization. (2018, October 10). 800,000 people kill themselves every year. What can we do?

 

 

 

Making Sense of Pain

Brokenness and pain are universal human experiences.[1] When something goes wrong, our minds want to know, "Who did this to me?" The mind becomes restless until it finds someone to blame. When we experience intense pain that disrupts our lives, our minds often seek to alleviate uncertainty by attributing blame to others, ourselves, or even God.

We often tend to blame others when things go wrong (true, others may have contributed to the situation). If blaming others doesn't solve the problem, we might start blaming ourselves. We may think, "It's all my fault," and live with a sense of guilt, believing that if we had done things differently, the outcome would have been better. Another entity we might blame is God. Many people believe that God is the creator of the universe, has control over everything, and nothing happens without God's knowledge, so it can be natural to think that any pain we experience is caused or allowed by God. This thinking can lead us to blame God for the pain in our lives.

Here, a theological debate about God's power and accountability may not help us find peace in our pain. Instead of blaming others, self, or God, we can focus on finding meaning. While it's important to hold people accountable for their actions, we can begin the process of finding meaning in our pain. We can ask ourselves, "What does this pain mean to me? How can it help me understand my life, relationships, and everything else? Can this pain lead me to compassion, new perspectives, and maturity?" Although facing our pain may be uncomfortable, understanding it and finding meaning can help us grow and become whole.[2]

 

  

---

[1] Baptist, J. (2021). Brokenness to wholeness. Media House (p. 23).

[2] Baptist, J. (2021). Brokenness to wholeness. Media House (p. 41).

 

Dying to Grow: The Path to New Beginnings

The new year is upon us once again, inviting us to look forward with hope, make fresh decisions, and walk new paths. At the start of each year, many of us make resolutions—some to spend more time on studies or with family, to begin exercising or adopting healthier eating habits, others to quit smoking, drinking, or other harmful behaviors, while still others aspire to engage in more meaningful, spiritual, or compassionate pursuits. Yet, the initial enthusiasm often fades with time. Embracing something new in our lives is rarely easy. We tend to cling to our old, familiar ways, even when they no longer serve us—or worse, when they become harmful. As the poet W.H. Auden wisely observed, “We would rather be ruined than changed.” Change is difficult, sometimes even painful, but failing to change leads only to stagnation, deterioration, and ultimately, death.

To begin something new often requires that something old within us must die. Without this shedding, the new cannot emerge and endure. Archbishop Fulton Sheen captured this truth beautifully: “When we die to something, something comes alive within us. If we die to self, charity comes alive; if we die to pride, service comes alive; if we die to lust, reverence for personality comes alive; if we die to anger, love comes alive.” Before we embark on the journey of the new and the noble, we must pause and reflect on what we need to let go of in order to make room for what is new. The new life demands a price—the price of the old self.

This year, let us reflect on what we want to see come alive in our lives, our families, and our communities—and consider what we must let die in order for the new to take root. Change is necessary. Change is growth. Change is life.          

 

 

Notes

Auden, W.H. in Hersh, S. A. (2022). (belonging): Finding the way back to one another. NavPress.  

Sheen F. in Hersh, S. A. (2022). (belonging): Finding the way back to one another. NavPress.  

Christmas: The Gift of Being Home

Christmas is here again—a time for stars, lights, Santa Claus, mangers, and delicious food. But Christmas is much more than these familiar images; it is the promise of being home. In a world fractured by loneliness, addictions, and a deep yearning for more, Christmas offers the gift of belonging—of finding a home, deeply connected to God and one another.

From childhood to advanced years, every person longs for something more in their life. We seek something that will quench our restlessness, satisfy our chaotic search for meaning, and fulfill our deepest longings. Often, we try to fill this void by buying things, staying busy, presenting ourselves in certain ways, or connecting with thousands of people on social media. Yet, day after day, year after year, the longing remains—and in many ways, it only intensifies, even as we keep searching for more.

Perhaps, beneath all our restless desires, lies a deeper longing to be at home—to truly belong. To be at home is to be accepted, appreciated, and loved for who we truly are. Home is not merely a place; it is an experience—a space where we can be ourselves and freely give and receive love. Until we are truly home—until we deeply belong—we will continue to feel restless, chaotic, and desperately searching for something outside ourselves.

Christmas reminds us of the profound truth that God came to us, offering a deeper relationship with both God and one another. We no longer need to search for a home, for in God, we find our home. And in God, all people become our siblings, including all of creation. Can we recognize the deeper yearning for God and for true belonging in all our restlessness and hustle? If we can uncover the roots of our desire for more, perhaps we can open ourselves to genuine connection with God and with each other. As St. Augustine once said, "Our hearts are restless until they rest in God." In God, we find the peace of truly belonging—not only to God but to one another, to our brothers and sisters, and to the whole of creation, all made in God’s image.

May the birth of Christ help us open our hearts to the gift of being home and inspire us to help others discover true belonging—deeply and authentically.

 

Groupthink vs. Authenticity: How to Belong Without Losing Yourself

As social beings, we gain many benefits from being part of a group, whether it’s a family, community, team, or even a broader society. But sometimes, group dynamics can become overly controlling or rigid in beliefs, leading to a phenomenon known as “groupthink.” 

Groupthink occurs when the desire for conformity within a group leads to irrational or poor decision-making. Members prioritize consensus over critical thinking, often suppressing dissent or overlooking risks to avoid conflict. This is particularly common in close-knit groups with strong leaders or rigid beliefs, where members may agree outwardly while privately feeling misaligned. 

Groups affected by groupthink often resist new ideas or evidence, leading to flawed decisions, stunted growth, and added burdens on certain members—often those who are already marginalized. Psychologist Kelly-Ann Allen has observed that, in order to feel accepted, people often censor their speech and even thoughts, sacrificing authenticity and factual accuracy. This self-censorship shows the lengths people will go to avoid being seen as an outcast. Yet, belonging by compromising one’s authenticity might serve a social purpose but takes away from life’s richness and personal fulfillment. 

True belonging requires first connecting deeply with oneself. When we embrace our whole selves, including both our strengths and vulnerabilities, we can engage with others authentically. Only then can we contribute meaningfully to a group without losing ourselves in the process. 

 

Notes 

Allen, K. (2021). The psychology of belonging (pp. 23-24). Routledge.