Suffering: Not a Curse

John Baptist

Clinical Counselor

Different people understand suffering in different ways. Some might understand and experience suffering as a curse. Living our suffering as a curse means that “we experience our pain as a confirmation of our negative feelings about ourselves” (Henry Nouwen). Pain can emerge when we experience physical hurts and sicknesses, emotional and spiritual struggles, broken and abusive relationships, social and cultural exploitations, or separations and deaths. Pain hurts and can lead to suffering. Unfortunately, the painful events in our lives are often understood as a curse – punishment from God or rejection from human beings. 

The human mind craves explanations for what happens in our life, particularly for pain and suffering. Sadly, we can form a self-destructive belief wherein we consider ourselves worthless, deserving only rejection and misfortune. Over and over, we can convince ourselves saying, “See, I knew I was useless and unlovable. No one cares about me, including God. Now, I am sure of this because of how they hurt and reject me”. If we have already yielded to negative beliefs about ourselves, particularly those of self-rejection and loathing, then every form of pain and suffering only confirms them in a self-fulfilling prophecy. In the moments of suffering, the question “Why” — Why me? Why now? — becomes ever-haunting, and we are easily seduced consciously or unconsciously into connecting painful events with a curse. Nouwen, in his wisdom, states, “When we have cursed ourselves or have allowed others to curse us, it is very tempting to explain all the brokenness we experience as an expression or confirmation of this curse”. 

The process of understanding suffering invites us to diagnose the undercurrents of negative feelings about ourselves. Once we detect them we can dare to break the fetters of self-destructive beliefs, particularly the belief of self-rejection. 

 

Notes

Henry Nouwen, Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World

 

St Joseph: Shadow of the Heavenly Father

John Baptist

Clinical Counselor

 

            St Joseph played a very vital role in the salvation history. He is a role model for every person, religious or secular. Please find below some thoughts and insights on St Joseph found in the book St Joseph: Shadow of the Heavenly Father.

·      The renowned descendant of David does not vanish into thin air but stays at the helm of the holy family, taking momentous decisions but always in prompt obedience to God’s will revealed to him. (Paolose Mangai)

·      His [St Joseph) name means increase. (Robert William)

·      Pope Pius IX declared St Joseph as the Patron of the Universal Church. (Fr Thomas Tharayil)

·      Saint Joseph reminds us that those who appear hidden or in the shadows can play an incomparable role in the history of salvation. (Bp Ignatius Mascarenhas)

·      No dialogues… just action. (Leetha Lawrence)

·      According to St Augustine, St Joseph’s role as the foster father of Jesus Christ was not accidental but predestined. (Metro Xavier)

·      St Joseph is a model of patience and perseverance, who works quetly... (Nimmy Das)

·      Where did Jesus get this image of God as Father? Definitely it is from his human father Joseph that Jesus learnt how loving a father can be. (Shalini Mulackal)

·      Silence is persuasive, effective, lovely, and even essential for a meaningful life. (Sunder Wilson)

·      How could a village reject it’s own son, especially as he returned home with a pregnant wife… (Mathew Palachuvattil)

·      St. Joseph, the divine dreamer, invites each one of us to drop our selfish desires and become a part of God’s dream for humanity. (Bensy Maria Sangeetham)

·      The life of Joseph invites couples to learn to discover beauty and meaning in their failures, doubts, and struggles. (Rita James)

·      God found in Joseph a trustworthy ‘father’ to whom he could entrust the care of his only-begotten son. (Bp Agnelo Rufino Gracias) 

·      Holiness is not a passive belonging to God but an active belonging where one becomes wholly available to God, like St. Joseph. (John Baptist)

 

Notes

John Baptist & Team, (Ed.). (2021). St Joseph: Shadow of the Heavenly Father. Mumbai: Pauline Publications. 

Suffering and the Gift of Accompaniment

John Baptist

11^th March 2022

Suffering is as old as human beings. People suffer from sickness, natural calamities, exploitation, abuse, broken relationships, old age and death to name a few. Some suffering might be caused by ourselves but not all. Many times people are innocent, yet they suffer. Human beings struggle to understand the mystery of suffering. A few days ago, I was discussing the theme of suffering with one of my friends in Pennsylvania, USA. My friend said something very striking. She said, “The existence of suffering in a world created by a loving God still is beyond our human comprehension. It can only be accepted in surrender and faith". Understanding suffering can become harder when we situate it in the context of God. The question, “If God is so loving, then why did God create suffering or allow it to spread?” might haunt us. There are mysteries of life that we may never be able to solve; suffering is one such mystery. It is desirable to increase our understanding of life, but we need to abandon our futile efforts to solve every problem of life, particularly that of suffering. For we cannot wipe out suffering totally. So, what should we do in the face of suffering?

The concept that comes to my mind is accompaniment. Accompaniment is journeying with the sufferer, understanding their pain as they experience it and being willing to offer help that might reduce their burden and give hope and courage to them. Accompaniment may or may not require words. For instance, a mother who just lost her child may not feel helped by words of consolation but being with her compassionately can bring healing. We cannot solve all the problems of people but we can accompany them in their suffering. We also need to have the courage to acknowledge our own suffering and to humble ourselves to allow others to accompany us in our pain. As counsellors, family members, or friends we can be open to the gift of accompaniment in the face of suffering.