More often than not, many live in a society that is crazy and running about with things to do, things to achieve. You and I could be part of this maze race too. Some people can be pathologically over-functioning, over-dependent, slothful, or selfish; they can drag you into a frantic race, which is neither healthy nor actuallydesired by you. They can exploit you by placing their burdens and unhealthy demands on you. If you are not alert and prudent, you can become a victim of their tactics of praise, (indirect) blackmailing, and/or threat to oust you from their groups or love. It can be very tempting to keep saying ‘yes’ to them as this might have some temporary benefits, such as enjoying their group membership, favors and support. Fear of exclusion can be another huge temptation to continue the slavery of unhealthy ‘yes’. No one likes to be isolated.
Saying ‘yes’, even when it is unhealthy and drains your energy, can be your default response. For individuals who are kind and generous, it can be hard to say ‘no’. Our culture often teaches us only to say ‘yes’. Unfortunately, incessantly saying yes is construed as a sign of an obedient, pleasant, and good person. However, it is the word no that can redeem you. You need to say no to all such people who want to use you in their celebration of pathologies. You can imagine that some people will not be happy with your no.
Shauna Niequist, a New York Times bestselling author, observes that such people would prefer you over-function for their purposes at the cost of wellbeing for you and your dear ones. When you say something like, “I’m sorry, I can’t do that,” it can be a personal affront to people who are wrapped up in their own hyper-functioning (Niequist). Leave them, do not argue with them. People who cannot honor your ‘no’, are egocentric and will only keep relationship with you as long as you allow yourself to be exploited. Niequist concludes, “You can’t have yes without no…if you’re not careful with your yeses, you start to say no to some very important things without even realizing it”.
If you want to say a full and profound yes to peace, wellbeing, goodness, and life then you need to learn to say no to certain things. The word ‘no’ has the power to transform your life.
Notes
1. Shauna Niequist (2016), Present Over Perfect: Leaving Behind Frantic for a Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living.
2. “Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’” (Mt. 5:37)
Good one Fr John! Please keep writing! Saying ‘no’ is not easy. It’s sometimes an art to Say No !
ReplyDeleteAwesome . Really it is hard to say no as we r very kind confederate towards others. Very good blog.keep posting .
ReplyDeleteWonderful piece of writing!!! ❣️
ReplyDeleteWonderful Fr.
ReplyDeleteAppreciable
ReplyDeleteGood
ReplyDeleteInspiring....God bless Fr Baptist cap
ReplyDeleteI think discerning oneself, one's priorities, needs, and wants do play a vital role in saying Yes and No. What do you think about it? — Benz MJ
ReplyDeleteBenz in response to your question, I like to quote Perls, the founder of Gestalt Psychology, who believed, “If we cannot understand ourselves, we can never hope to understand what we are doing, we can never hope to solve our problems, we can never hope to live rewarding lives.” Therefore, it is essential to understand oneself to know when we need to say 'yes' or 'not.
ReplyDeletePeace,
John Baptist