Relationships are one of the most significant aspects of human life, but perhaps less understood and cared for. Understanding relationships, particularly noticing unhealthy signs in a relationship, and eliminating them can enhance the quality and contentment of one’s relationships and life. Some signs of an unhealthy relationship are intensity, isolation, extreme jealousy, belittling, and volatility. Such unhealthy markers can creep into relationships with friends, partners, lovers, siblings, children, and others. This article will reflect on unhealthy signs of intensity in a relationship.
What is intensity in a relationship? Generally, a relationship begins with liking and excitement and develops into passion, care, and commitment, which is healthy. Katie Hood, the CEO of One Love Foundation, says that in some relationships, the excitement leads to an intensity that is overwhelming and even suffocating.[1] You can feel the suffocation deep within and get overwhelmed by the demands and expressions of the other person. Find an example[2] of healthy and unhealthy intensity below.
Rahul: “I haven’t seen you in a couple of days. I missed you.”
Riya: “Oh, I missed you too.”
This is love. This is healthy.
Rahul: “I haven’t seen you the whole day. It feels like a lifetime. What have you been doing without me for the whole day?”
Riya: “We spoke just this morning.”
This is not love. This is unhealthy.
Pay attention to what you feel in your relationship, particularly when you begin or are in a post-honeymoon period. Hood shares some red flags of unhealthy intensity. She says:
· When your new friend starts to outpour with expressions of (seeming) love and material gifts despite you not being ready for them.
· When someone starts showing up everywhere and calls and texts you nonstop.
· When your friend is impatient and angry because you could not pick up their call or delayed responding even when they know that you are busy that day.[3]
It is important to know whether you are comfortable with the pace of intimacy in a relationship. If you do not have space even to breathe, then you are probably a victim of intensity in your relationship. Speak to the person and express your concerns.
You can nip toxic intensity in the bud and bring dignity and freedom to your relationships.
John Baptist OFM Cap. | Clinical Counselor & Psychospiritual Resource Person | Pennsylvania, USA
[1] Katie Hood, The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Love
[2] Katie Hood, The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Love
[3] Katie Hood, The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Love
The present day youth seek or search the material happiness only. Very hard to find the healthy relatioship.
ReplyDeleteThank you father . This article is very helpful to recognize the healthy relationship.
ReplyDeleteTreasure your relationships not your possessions...
ReplyDeleteThank you for this beautiful piece of message!
ReplyDeleteChurch defines that Marriage is indisoluble. But if the toxic relation is in marraige. How to address this?
ReplyDeleteIf a relationship is toxic it must be addressed with the partner. If needed help must be sought, particularly professionals. If the relationship is too toxic and goes against the very spirit of marriage, the Church does offer annulment of marriage.
DeleteOften these red flags are ignored, labeling it as love. Becoming aware of it and taking time to fix it, prevents severe consequences. Thanks for this message!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully said.
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