Standing Alone

Humans love to connect with people and groups, at least with a selected few. Very often, people are willing to sacrifice their originality and self to win over the friendship of others or to fit into groups. Such kinds of connection and fitting-in do not last long, and if they do last, they are not healthy and become a cause of dissatisfaction and emptiness. To be deeply able to connect to others one needs to be genuine in living and expressing oneself. One needs to deeply connect and belong to oneself before one can deeply belong to others. This means that to belong to others one necessarily needs to be able to stand alone. 

Brené Brown says, “Belonging so fully to yourself that you’re willing to stand alone is a wilderness…it is a place as dangerous as it is breathtaking, a place as sought after as it is feared.”[1] Brown compares standing alone — belonging deeply to oneself — to the experience of wilderness. Throughout human history one notices many monks, saints, spiritual gurus, founders of various spiritualties, and world transformers went into the wilderness to be alone. They had the courage to renounce the desire to please and to fit into society. They dared to stand alone, to understand and to connect with themselves deeply. 

The true experience of belonging to oneself fully does not disconnect one from others rather it enhances the process of belonging to others authentically. The courage to stand alone empowers one to connect to others genuinely and freely and not out of fear, pressure, or desperation. Belonging to self is necessary to develop healthy belongingness with others and to live an enriching life. 

Only the one who can stand alone can stand with others.

 

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[1] Brown, Brené (2017). Braving the Wilderness. Random House.

* Image - courtesy of freepic.com