Homeless at Home

         People desire to be accepted and loved, regardless of their age. During the pre-teen and teen years, the longing to belong to a group and have friends is particularly strong. If children at school or in their neighborhood are not accepted by their peers and are not included in games and activities, they feel sadness. However, the feeling of rejection is even stronger when they do not feel accepted at home. One student said, “Not belonging at school is really hard. But it’s nothing compared to what it feels like when you don’t belong at home.” [1]

Brene Brown asked eighth graders what they meant by not belonging at home. They said:

•          Not living up to your parents’ expectations

•          Not being as cool or popular as your parents want you to be

•          Not being good at the same things your parents were good at

•          Your parents being embarrassed because you don’t have enough friends or you’re not an athlete or a cheerleader

•          Your parents not liking who you are and what you like to do

•          When your parents don’t pay attention to your life[2]

The sharing by the eighth graders should make parents reflect on whether their expectations of their kids are impractical and unhealthy. Do they put so much pressure on their children that they feel unaccepted as they are? What is the benefit of forcing your children to become professionals, or to achieve something, if it means losing your relationship with them? 

Parents have a responsibility to guide their children, but their instruction should not become so unrealistic that their children feel homeless in their own homes.

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[1] Brown, B. (2017). Braving the Wilderness (p. 160). Random House.

[2] Brown, B. (2017). Braving the Wilderness (p. 160).