The Light And The Shadow

 

John Baptist

30th January 2022

    The sun radiates light and, our eyes can see. It is in the light that we see clearly and can move around. It is necessary to have external light to see things and our path. It is also essential to have internal light to see the reality of our human existence and make the right choices. Another important aspect of being in the light is that it reveals our shadow. Where there is light, there is shadow too. Shadow is a reality of human life. Shadow can be any dark, unhealthy, or unhelpful side of ourselves that we need to heal. Shadow also can be our existential limitations, which might not change, and hence must be integrated with awareness and grace. Richard Rohr, a Franciscan monk, mystic and wisdom writer says, “Those things we repress or deny about ourselves become our shadow. The qualities we “place” in our shadow aren’t necessarily or only bad; they simply are the ones that are not rewarded by our family system or culture”.

Each one of us has a shadow in ourselves which needs to be recognized before we can work upon it. Anyone who claims for the light also needs to face the shadow. Seeing one’s shadow might be distressful initially nevertheless, it has to be recognized. Though uncomfortable, the process for healing or integration of the shadow must begin. Wisdom and Divine grace are necessary to do the shadow work and develop healthy self-critical thinking, which alone allows us to see beyond our own shadow and disguise and to find who we truly are (Richard Rohr). Can we dare to be in the light and face our own shadows? Unless we allow God’s light to penetrate our shadows, we can never hope to discover who we truly are.  

Notes

Richard Rohr, Unveiling the Shadow, https://cac.org/unveiling-the-shadow-2021-06-13/

The Second Face of Self-rejection

 John Baptist

25th January 2022

 

Self-rejection seems to be more rampant than we think. One might think that self-rejection manifests itself only in low self-image and depression, but it also has another face called arrogance. Henry Nouwen, a well-known thinker, asked, “Isn’t arrogance, in the final analysis, just another way of dealing with the feelings of worthlessness?” When a person feels worthless, he/she thinks of himself/herself of no value and therefore deserving only rejection. This feeling can be nerve-racking for individuals to live with. The mind wants to escape from such pain and often devices a strategy — called arrogance. Using arrogance, a person can project all their hatred and rejection onto others. The individuals who use arrogance think that by disdaining others, they will feel better, greater and higher and thus worthy of appreciation and acceptance. Arrogance seems to be a search for self-acceptance, nevertheless a futile and unhealthy one. Can we be open and honest enough to identify in ourselves the temptation to self-rejection, whether it manifests itself in arrogance or low self-esteem? Learning to self-accept is the key to overcoming the vice of self-rejection. Can we open our arms to accept and embrace ourselves as God does?

Notes

 

Henry Nouwen, Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World

Tricky Self-rejection

Individuals can hear many voices, both from outside and within their minds. Some of the voices are positive but others are negative and can do a lot of damage to ourselves. Some voices unremittingly tell us that we are worthless and not good enough. Henry Nouwen, a great spiritual writer, said, “When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success, popularity, and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions.” The voices that make us believe that we are worthless and unlovable create a deep and dark void in our hearts. This deep void pushes us to fill it or deny it by constantly pursuing success, popularity, and power. These dark and dirty voices ultimately convince a person to self-reject, which can be the deadliest tragedy in their lives. Nouwen affirms that “the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection”. 

Often self-rejection can go unnoticed as it lies deep down. However, self-rejection can give birth to many unhealthy talks and behaviours. Some manifestations, such as our desire to exhibit our expensive clothes and gadgets as well as recounting to others our achievements and degrees perhaps, rise from self-rejection. When driven by self-rejection, one continuously feels empty and lesser than others. Hence, a desire develops in the hearts of such individuals that propels them to speak and do things to convince the world that they are great and worthy. The irony is that the void created by self-rejection does not get filled by presenting ourselves as successful, popular or powerful, but it becomes darker and deeper. 

Can we be aware of the trap called self-rejection? Understanding ourselves as children of God can help us see the beauty and worthiness already bestowed on us. This is the unconditional beauty and worthiness that God showers upon us without needing any requirements from us. Can we hear the voice of the Divine and others who love us genuinely, that we are worthy and lovable?

Notes

Henry Nouwen, Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World

Confidence Booster

 

“Mom, Where is the Water?” 

– Confidence Booster

 

            Recently I visited a school in Mohali to animate a seminar for teachers on Psychosocial Development and Team Building. Invariably, I too get enriched by the experience and sharing of the participants in a seminar. This time too, I learnt something which I wish to share with you. It was a funny incident and offered some insights as to how we need to rare our children. 

           One of the teachers shared what she witnessed in her recent flight travel. A family was sitting next to her. They had a boy, four years old. During the flight, the boy said that he wanted to go to the restroom to empty his bowels. The mother offered to go with him. But the boy was full of confidence and refused her saying, “I know Mom”. Mom allowed the boy to go alone. The boy walked solemnly to the restroom. After a few minutes, there was a scream from the restroom – “Mom, where is the water?” It seemed embarrassing and, those who heard the boy started laughing. However, the Mom smiled and went to the restroom and helped her son to use tissue paper. 

           According to Erik Erikson, a renowned developmental psychologist, children during the age of three to six, pass through the stage Initiative vs Guilt. Parents and caregivers need to encourage the initiatives of children, like the mother in the incident allowed her son to go to the restroom alone. At this stage, children try many things, develop new skills and doubtlessly they fail in some of them as they learn. Therefore, it becomes highly important how parents handle the failures and embarrassing moments of their kids. Guilt may occur if parents criticize, prevent play, or discourage a child’s questions. A child can start feeling as: always being wrong, and may fail to explore the world. If parents want their children to be free and confident then they need to allow their kids to do things by themselves, offer help only when needed, and be encouraging even when they fail. This way, we can raise happy and confident children.