6 Ways of Gaslighting

 

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that causes someone to lose their sense of perception and self-worth. Gaslighters emotionally manipulate, psychologically abuse, and unscrupulously exploit their victim by controlling her or his mind. Preston Ni[1], an author, and trainer in interpersonal effectiveness, describes ways[2] that gaslighters use to exploit their victim. 

Here are six ways that gaslighters often employ.

1. Lie and Exaggerate

The gaslighter creates a negative narrative about the gaslightee — “There’s something wrong and inadequate about you.” 

“My wife is very suspicious, and she wants to know where I go.” ―Anonymous husband

2. Repetition

Repetition of lies is deployed as a weapon to subjugate the victim. Falsehoods are repeated and truths are twisted constantly to control the conversation and dominate the relationship.

“Again, your behavior is immature and possessive.” ―Anonymous

3. Escalate When Challenged

When called out on his or her lies, the gaslighter escalates the dispute by intensifying attacks, refuting substantive evidence with denial, blame, and more false claims (misdirection).

“When I caught my boyfriend sexting, he flatly said that it was an ad. He called me suspicious and crazy.” ―Anonymous girlfriend

4. Wear Out the Victim

By staying on the offensive, the gaslighter eventually wears down the victim, who becomes discouraged, resigned, pessimistic, fearful, debilitated, and self-doubting. The victim begins to question her or his own perception, identity, and reality.

“Maybe I am suspicious and worthless.” — Anonymous

5. Form Codependency

Codependency is ‘excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner.’ The gaslighter elicits constant insecurity and anxiety in the gaslightee, thereby pulling on the gaslightee’s strings. The gaslighter has the power to grant acceptance, approval, love, safety, and security. The gaslighter also often threatens to withhold or revoke these grants. A  codependent relationship is formed based on fear and vulnerability. 

6. Give False Hope

As a manipulative tactic the gaslighter may occasionally treat the victim with mildness, and even superficial kindness or remorse, to give the gaslightee false hope. In these circumstances, the victim might think: “Maybe he’s really not THAT bad,” “Maybe things are going to get better,” or “Let’s give it a chance.” Beware! The temporary mildness by the gaslighter is intended only to lower the victim’s guard for further exploitation. 

The ultimate objective of a pathological gaslighter is to control, dominate, and take advantage of an individual, or a group, or even an entire society. By controlling the mind of the gaslightee the gaslighter keeps her or him in a constant state of insecurity, doubt, and fear. The gaslighter can then exploit the victim at will.

John Baptist OFM Cap.

Clinical Counselor & Psychospiritual Resource Person

York, USA

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[1] Preston Ni, How to Successfully Handle Gaslighters & Stop Psychological Bullying

[2] Nae, 8 Ways Gaslighters Manipulate and Control Relationships