Five Ways to Overcome Jealousy

Jealousy can impact your emotional health and strain your valuable relationships, even ruin them. Jealousy can also impact your physical health causing stomachache, headache, chest pain, high blood pressure, palpitation, weight gain or loss, insomnia or disturbances in sleep, poor appetite, and weakened immunity.[1]

Dr Gonzalez-Berrios, an expert in mood and anxiety disorders, recommends the following mechanisms[2] to overcome jealousy. 

1. Confront your fears 

Jealousy can stem from insecurity or poor self-image. Therefore, it is necessary to confront your fears such as fear of losing your partner or fear of failure. Once you recognize these fears you can acknowledge and address them as they are often the underlying cause of jealousy.

2. Address your expectations 

In any relationship it is essential to develop a realistic expectation of how much time someone can spend with you. If they are unable to meet your expectations, try not to blame them. See if you can work together to set more reasonable expectations.

3. Practice gratitude 

Remind yourself about all the beautiful things life has given you. Identify the blessings attached to your relationship, not the limitations alone. Be grateful to the persons who accompany you in your ups and downs and to God for having them in your life. 

4. Be open and honest

Healthy relationships grow on clear and honest communication. If jealousy arises, having an open and honest conversation about how you are feeling is important. The misunderstandings arising due to jealousy can be resolved with compassion and mutual trust.

5. Practice mindfulness 

Negative emotions can affect your physical and mental wellbeing. Try practising mindfulness meditations when you are feeling jealousy or another negative emotion such as anger or fear.

To overcome jealousy and flourish in your relationships, honest communication, building trust, and establishing realistic expectations are the key. 

If the above tools do not work, try talking to a wise friend or approach a counselor. 

John Baptist OFM Cap. | Clinical Counselor & Psychospiritual Resource Person | Pennsylvania, USA

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[1] Sarah Sheppard, What is Jealousy?

[2] Sarah Sheppard, What is Jealousy?

Jealousy: Stealer of Joy

            Relationships are an essential and beautiful part of life. They help humans know themselves, support each other, and learn a healthy balance of dependence and independence. But at times, jealousy can creep into relationships which can distort their beauty and make them burdensome and impaired. Jealousy can occur in any relationship, particularly those with siblings and in romantic relationships.

           Jealousy is a complex emotion that involves a real or perceived threat to a relationship. An individual may resent a third person for taking away or appearing to take away the affection of their loved one.[1] Jealousy can be accompanied by feelings of suspicion, fear, inadequacy, humiliation, bitterness, resentment, and hostility. Fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, and high neuroticism are often causes of jealousy. 

Individuals can experience jealousy occasionally, but if this emotion repeats and becomes intense, it can lead to distrust, paranoia, fault finding, criticizing, blaming, obsession, possessiveness, and abuse, particularly verbal and emotional.[2] Jealousy can make individuals blind to the love and companionship already available to them. Recurring jealousy can increase feelings of insecurity and fear of abandonment (and vice versa) — especially when there is nothing to worry about — and therefore can “compel someone to obsessively monitor another’s communications, relationships, and whereabouts”.[3] 

Jealousy can rob the joy out of a human relationship. 

Jealousy is an invitation to look into oneself — to unearth deep-rooted fears and unhealthy attachment styles that are often developed in childhood. One needs to become honest with oneself, see and understand underlying distortions, and uproot whatever causes jealousy. 

Jealousy recognized, understood, and overcome can bring about maturity and growth. 

 

 

John Baptist OFM Cap. | Clinical Counselor & Psychospiritual Resource Person | Pennsylvania, USA

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[1] Edlund JE, Sagarin BJ. Sex differences in jealousy. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology. 2017;55. doi:10.1016/bs.aesp.2016.10.004

[2] Sarah Sheppard, What is Jealousy?

[3] Psychology Today, Jealousy

Isolation: Emotional Hijacking in a Relationship

Every relationship, particularly a new one, needs time to deepen and flourish. However, if a relationship pulls you away from your friends and family and tethers you tightly to someone it is unhealthy.[1]The unhealthy dynamic of isolation can appear in any relationship, particularly with your friend, partner or the one you plan to marry. 

Isolation often starts slowly with someone asking you to spend more 1:1 time with them but can later escalate to demands that you don’t see certain people. Often, they will ask you to choose between them and your friends.[2] Such behaviour should be a red flag.

 Isolation is nothing less than a hijacking of your feelings and movements, wherein you are not permitted to talk or meet people who are important to you.

Often, it can be hard to detect isolation at the beginning of a relationship because of the initial excitement and focus on spending time together. Your partner (or anyone) might repeatedly speak negatively about your friends and family saying “why do you hang out with them? They are bad and against us.” Thus, your partner might sow seeds of doubt regarding your dear ones. If isolation persists then it gradually breaks down your support system and makes you dependent on the abuser, who can exploit you for selfish motives. 

True love integrates healthy levels of interdependence as well as independence. In a healthy love relationship, the partners enjoy the time and presence of each other, but they also relish and spur the support the other has from their friends and family. A healthy friend or partner encourages you to engage in activities you like and to meet people dear to you. 

Eliminating isolation is an important key to keeping your relationships satisfying and your life healthy and balanced. Keep connected with your friends and family who value you and support you in the vicissitudes of life and encourage your partner to do the same. 

 

 

 

 

John Baptist OFM Cap. | Clinical Counselor & Psychospiritual Resource Person | Pennsylvania, USA

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[1] Katie Hood, The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Love

[2] One Love, 10 signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

The Wounds of Christ

Before we initiate a reflection on the wounds of Jesus Christ, we need to understand what a wound is. A physical wound is visible and often can be treated easily. But the wounds that originate when our self-worth is fractured are harder to detect and can take inordinate time and effort to heal. A wound can be defined as a painful and humiliating experience that hurts a person and continues to impact relationship with others, God, self, and creation, even after a long time. A wound can be caused by magnifying an event or even by a mere perception of an event as hurtful and humiliating. Experiences of betrayal, rejection, shame, neglect, abuse, discrimination and so forth can become a seedbed for developing a wounded spirit. Such wounds can be called wounds beneath our skin. The unavoidable truth is that wounds are part of human life. Everyone has them. 

Wounds not healed become infectious. Wounds can make us bitter, afraid, disconnected, angry and even violent. Infectious wounds drain us of our joy, poison our peace and stunt our growth. Wounds not healed impact us badly and like a cancer, can gradually spread to all aspects of our lives. The wounds of Christ give us hope and tell us that like Christ, our wounds do not have to make us bitter, reactive, or stunted. 

Jesus was the Son of God and at the same time a human like any of us. He did experience human fragility, including wounds. His body was literally pierced, however, what pierced His heart and spirit was much more painful. Jesus underwent many painful experiences, particularly experiences of betrayal, rejection, and abuse. The beautiful truth about the wounds of Jesus is that, though intensely painful, He made His wounds a means of healing and wholeness for humanity.[1] It is a great paradox that Jesus heals us by his wounds. Prophet Isaiah (53:5) acknowledged this paradox saying, “by his wounds, we are healed”. 

Being human, we too have our wounds. However painful our wounds, they need not be an obstacle to the joy, growth, and beloved-ness that we so desire, instead they can become the means to them.[2]  Like Christ and united with God, we too can allow our wounds to become the means of healings and blessings for ourselves and others.

John Baptist OFM Cap. | Clinical Counselor & Psychospiritual Resource Person | Pennsylvania, USA

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[1] John Baptist, 2021, Brokenness to Wholeness, Delhi: Media House. 

[2] John Baptist, 2021, Brokenness to Wholeness, Delhi: Media House.