Spiritual Evolution: The Path of Transcendence and Inclusion

Evolution theories tell us that the survival of the species requires adapting to new situations. The survival and flourishing of species, inclusive of humans, is determined by its ability to change and adjust its behavior in response to new circumstances. Those that do not evolve become extinct, or at least, obsolete. Growing in spiritual and psychological maturity requires that humans continue to change, adapt, and evolve.  

Richard Rohr, a living mystic, believes that spiritual and psychological evolution necessarily requires ‘transcendence and inclusion’.[1] Transcendence is the ability to rise above our initial, infantile, or developing range of spirituality and psychological maturity. Whereas inclusion is the ability to embrace our previous stages which are often frail and broken and the ability to respect and learn from individuals and groups that are different from ours. Transcendence and inclusion make us patient, understanding, and all-embracing of ourselves, our previous stages, and others. 

Rohr considers transcendence and inclusion as the infallible signs of those who are enlightened, psychologically mature, or truly adult believers. People who are spiritually evolved, irrespective of their faith tradition and spirituality are always forgiving, compassionate, and radically inclusive. They do not create enemies, and they move beyond the boundaries of their own “starter group” while still honoring them. Jesus the Jew criticizes his own religion yet never leaves it! Mature people are not either-or thinkers, they think both-and (Gandhi, Anne Frank, Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela). These enlightened people tend to grease the wheels of religious evolution.[2]

Albert Einstein said, “A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move toward higher levels.” If we want to find a remedy for our spiritual, emotional, and societal ills, and find spiritual growth and meaning in our lives then we need to enter into the new consciousness, the spirit of transcendence and inclusion. We need to become more compassionate to ourselves and to our past and deeply inclusive of others. God constantly invites us to become whole and holy by evolving as transcendent and inclusive people.

John Baptist, OFM Cap. | Pastoral Clinical Counselor | Pennsylvania, USA

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[1] Rohr, Richard, Falling Upward, 8-12.

[2] Rohr, Richard, Falling Upward, 8-12.

God Comes Disguised

             There is a longing in the human heart to search for God, to encounter the Sacred, and to know one’s Creator face-to-face. At times, we get lost in following our drives, achieving things, or building our petty success stories. However, often new situations, particularly of failures and helplessness, remind us about our deepest need for God and how everything else is meaningless without having the touch of God in our lives. Our deep longing for God triggers a search for God and we might wonder where to find God or how to experience God. This article does not intend to explain the great mystery of encountering God or to tell you the exact location where God might be found. Instead, I hope that these few words might be a lamp to those who search for God. 

             Paula D’Arcy[1], a spiritual writer and leader, says: 

“God comes to you disguised as your life”.

Often, we look for God everywhere, except in our lives. We are like musk deer in search of fragrance that is hidden within. The sagacious words of D’Arcy, surprisingly, yet truly, invite us to pay attention to life itself. God comes to us in the form of all moments of our life – through our joys and sorrows, successes and failures, communion and solitude, spiritual and mundane experiences, being on a mountain top and having a cup of tea at home. 

The question is “Do we recognize God when God comes, and the way God comes”? Or, do we stick to our old and rigid thinking and keep demanding that God should come to us only through ways that we sanction? Spiritual rigidity makes us blind to the ever-flowing presence of God in our lives. 

God comes to us right where we are. To experience God in the now we need to keep ourselves open and pay attention to life itself, all that is within and around us. If we have eyes to see and a heart to feel then we can meet God who comes to us disguised as our life. 

For further reflection, I would like to leave you with two questions:

1.     What do the words “God comes to you disguised as your life” evoke in you?

2.     What does “paying attention to life” mean to you?

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[1] Paula D’Arcy is an author, retreat leader, speaker, playwright, and former psychotherapist. In 2001 she established the Red Bird Foundation, which supports the growth and spiritual development of those in need.

Possessiveness – Bondage in Disguise

        Love invites individuals to share their presence and gifts with each other. If someone restricts your presence and gifts and uses them solely for themselves, then it is not love — it is possessiveness. Possessiveness can take place in any relationship, particularly in an intimate relationship.

Possessiveness is manifested when someone is jealous to the point where they try to control who you spend your time with and what you do. While some jealousy is a normal human emotion, it becomes unhealthy when it causes someone to control you or lash out at you. This means getting upset when you text or hang out with people they feel threatened by, wrongly accusing you of flirting or cheating, or even going so far as to stalk you.[1] They are inquisitive about why you talk to others, what you talk about, and how much time you spend with others. Possessiveness is often excused as being overprotective or having strong feelings for someone.[2]  Possessiveness might seem like love, though in reality, it is bondage in disguise. 

Possessiveness holds you in bondage and the other individual becomes your ruler, instead of being a friend or a partner. On the contrary, true love liberates; it does not enslave you. Possessiveness is often rooted in insecurity, a fear of losing the other, and in poor self-image, a belief that you are not beautiful, smart, or good enough and therefore, can be abandoned easily. Victims of possessiveness also might have insecurity and low self-image, thus compelling them to live as slaves and properties of other persons.  

Love recognizes the dignity you have as a human person. Love does not reduce you to a drudge or a thing to be owned. Genuine love holds you in high esteem and honours you as a priceless gift. 

 

 John Baptist OFM Cap. || Pastoral Clinical Counselor || Pennsylvania, USA

 

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[1] One Love, 10 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

[2] One Love, 10 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

Volatility — Rollercoaster in a Relationship

Relationships soothe, support, and stabilize you, particularly, when you face rough moments in life. Some relationships can turn out to be abusive and make you ride a rollercoaster of emotions. Volatility is a marker of an unhealthy, rollercoaster relationship. 

Volatility is the tendency to change quickly and unpredictably, often in a violent and angry manner. Speaking on volatility in a relationship, Katie Hood says: 

[Volatility is experienced] when someone has a really strong, unpredictable reaction that makes you feel scared, confused, or intimidated. A volatile person makes you feel like you need to walk on eggshells around them or they will have extreme reactions to small things. Your relationship with them might feel like a rollercoaster that contains extreme ups and downs. They may overreact to small things, have major mood swings, or lose control by getting violent, yelling, or threatening you.[1]

Have you experienced something akin to the above? If so, your relationship might be a victim of volatility. In such an unhealthy relationship, you experience frequent tearful, frustrated fights followed by emotional makeups, and recurrent breakups and makeups. You hear hurtful comments such as, “I will commit suicide, if you leave me”, or “I will starve until you call me”, or “You are worthless! I am not even sure why I am with you”. And then, they apologise and promise that “this will never happen again”. If you have already lived in such a relationship for long, you may consider it normal, this is an unfortunate syndrome in such a relationship. It can be hard to see how a seemingly normal relationship turns abusive. A volatile relationship is unhealthy, even dangerous.

Understanding your relationships is the first step to improving them. You cannot make every unhealthy relationship healthy; some relationships you need to leave behind. But you can do your part in making your relationships better through open communication, mutual respect, kindness, and patience.[2]

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[1] One Love, 10 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

[2] Katie Hood, The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Love

Belittling — Unhealthy Sign in a Relationship

 

A healthy relationship boosts your confidence and makes you feel good. Unfortunately, belittling can seep into a relationship and do just the opposite: break your confidence, mar your self-esteem, and make you feel bad and low. Belittling can be used as a weapon by individuals consciously or unconsciously. Whatever the reasons for belittling, it can damage the wellbeing and self-image of the victim. 

Katie Hood says that belittling happens when someone does and says things to make you feel bad about yourself. This includes name-calling, making rude remarks about you or people you are close with, negatively labelling, humiliating, or criticizing you. It is also belittling when someone makes fun of you in a way that makes you feel bad, even if it is played off as a joke. Over time, this can make you lose confidence in yourself or your abilities and can lead you to assume that you are incapable and inferior to them.[1]

Conversations in a relationship are meant to lift you up and not to embarrass you or to hurt you. Fun is a blessing in life but if someone enjoys shaming or degrading you then that is selfish and toxic. When you try to express your feelings that you are hurt by what they say then they might shut you down by accusing you of overreacting or of being oversensitive.[2] Such accusations can silence you and suffocate you from within. You might start assuming that you are an oversensitive and weak person. Belittling is an attempt to rob you of your dignity. Do not give in to their false narrative; uphold your dignity. 

Belittling is like diabetes, if not treated, it kills you from the inside, gradually, by damaging your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-image. Conflicts and misunderstandings are part of life but the practice of belittling someone should not be encouraged. Make your relationships places of support, emotional boost, and wellbeing. 

 

 John Baptist OFM Cap. | Pastoral Clinical Counselor | Pennsylvania, USA

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[1] One Love, 10 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

[2] Katie Hood, The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Love