Possessiveness – Bondage in Disguise

        Love invites individuals to share their presence and gifts with each other. If someone restricts your presence and gifts and uses them solely for themselves, then it is not love — it is possessiveness. Possessiveness can take place in any relationship, particularly in an intimate relationship.

Possessiveness is manifested when someone is jealous to the point where they try to control who you spend your time with and what you do. While some jealousy is a normal human emotion, it becomes unhealthy when it causes someone to control you or lash out at you. This means getting upset when you text or hang out with people they feel threatened by, wrongly accusing you of flirting or cheating, or even going so far as to stalk you.[1] They are inquisitive about why you talk to others, what you talk about, and how much time you spend with others. Possessiveness is often excused as being overprotective or having strong feelings for someone.[2]  Possessiveness might seem like love, though in reality, it is bondage in disguise. 

Possessiveness holds you in bondage and the other individual becomes your ruler, instead of being a friend or a partner. On the contrary, true love liberates; it does not enslave you. Possessiveness is often rooted in insecurity, a fear of losing the other, and in poor self-image, a belief that you are not beautiful, smart, or good enough and therefore, can be abandoned easily. Victims of possessiveness also might have insecurity and low self-image, thus compelling them to live as slaves and properties of other persons.  

Love recognizes the dignity you have as a human person. Love does not reduce you to a drudge or a thing to be owned. Genuine love holds you in high esteem and honours you as a priceless gift. 

 

 John Baptist OFM Cap. || Pastoral Clinical Counselor || Pennsylvania, USA

 

---

[1] One Love, 10 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

[2] One Love, 10 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship