Buddha said life is suffering. Suffering can come in various ways — through broken relationships, injustice, exploitation, poverty, disease, and death. All these cause pain and can lead to suffering. One of the most excruciating pains is caused by broken relationships. When a relationship breaks it hurts because our sense of belonging is crushed. It is very hard for humans to live without belonging. The human brain is wired for love and belongingness. Without belongingness we can feel rootless. We can find ourselves like a dry leaf in the wind with nowhere to connect.
The lack of belonging breaks a person from inside. Externally a person might appear happy and active but from within he or she can profusely bleed in spirit. Brene Brown in her book, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone, depicts such an experience as having a broken heart, spirit, and self-worth.[1] The pain of not belonging is always great and it pierces even the human spirit.
The pain of not belonging can be greater when one is a child. If a child feels that his or her parents do not care and support him or her, particularly in moments of failure and pain, the child can develop a sense that he or she is unwanted, worthless, and does not belong. The sense of worthlessness and lack of belonging can persist and can make it difficult for such individuals to build trust and feel valued in relationships even in later years.
The pain of not belonging can deeply hurt and is constantly present beneath the skin. One way individuals try to find relief from such pain is by numbing it.[2] The pain of not belonging is so intense that individuals find it hard to be with themselves. Thus, they need to constantly numb themselves so that the pain is not felt. People can try to numb the pain of not belonging by using alcohol, drugs, food, sex, work, or by engaging in peripheral relationships. Unfortunately, the numbing works, but only for a while, and the pain is there again. Any amount of running from pain cannot offer a solution for the lack of belongingness. Any type of unhealthy attachment to something is a compensation for something broken within, often this is damaged belongingness.
Numbing oneself does not heal the pain of not belonging but leads to addiction. There is a way but it is a hard one. One needs to acknowledge the pain of broken relationships, feel it, and take the brave step to once again be open to the healing power of love and belongingness.
Very true .l could get how the rejected child feels and how it affects the later life
ReplyDeleteGood read, relatable as well.
ReplyDeleteI can truly relate . Is not belonging the same as not needed?
ReplyDelete