Overcoming Sadness

Do you feel sad? You would answer, “Of course, yes — human beings sometimes feel sad.” Take a moment to reflect on the context and reasons for what makes you sad. 

We may have health issues and other hurting situations that can make us sad. Or, sadness can be due to our faulty and inadequate ways of thinking and relating to the world. Two such ways that are not healthy and lead to disappointment, frustration, and sadness are over-dependency and the tendency to cling. 

The wise monk, Anselm Gruen says, “We overcome sadness by fleeing dependency on the world, by letting go of what we are clinging to, and by setting ourselves free.” As infants, we were completely dependent on our mothers or other caregivers. Gradually, we learned to rely on ourselves and manage our own lives. We grew up to be interdependent, not just dependent, which is a healthy style of functioning. But, if we still depend on others for support that others cannot offer us and things we should be able to manage on our own, then we are likely to get frustrated, cynical, and sad. On other occasions, given the nature of people being imperfect, they may fail to offer us the support they are capable of and that we genuinely need. Are we prepared to embrace the dimension of human imperfection in what we expect and how we relate to the world? 

As children, we would cling to our toys, food, or our caregivers. And it was natural and fine. As we grew up, we learned to let go and we became open to trying new and age-relevant experiences. However, the tendency to cling that we develop in childhood does not fully go away. We might have replaced our toys with clothes, gadgets, vehicles, status, education, people, or a certain type of self-image that we must protect. Clinging to anything causes fear of losing it and makes us worried and anxious. Moreover, material things and even people can offer gratification and support only to a certain extent; clinging to them and expecting more than they can give lead to misery and emptiness. Clinging becomes an obstacle for us to experience what is new, relevant, and important in life. Can we continue to let go of what is no longer relevant, healthy, and needed? 

Over-dependency and the tendency to cling block us from opening ourselves up to beautiful and valuable experiences that await us. When we set ourselves free of over-dependence on others or on things and of the tendency to cling to things, facades, or people, we can overcome our sadness and find meaning and joy in our lives. 

 

 

Notes

Gruen, A. (1999). Heaven begins within you. A Crossroad Book.