3 Ways to Defeat Fear

Fear is a powerful emotion—one that can quietly shape our decisions, shrink our dreams, and hold us back from living fully. Sometimes it is loud and obvious, but more often, it whispers in the background, convincing us to play small, stay safe, or avoid what really matters. While fear is a natural part of being human, it doesn’t have to control us. The good news is: fear can be faced, understood, and even transformed.

Don Miguel Ruiz refers to fear as a parasite—something that feeds on us from within. He offers three practical ways to defeat this inner parasite and reclaim the freedom and courage that already live within us.

1. Attack Each Head of the Parasite

The first solution, Ruiz says, is to “attack the parasite head by head.” This means facing our fears one by one—bit by bit. For example, we might begin by confronting the fear of expressing our opinions, the fear of trying new things, or the fear of rejection. This is a slow and gradual process, but it works. With each small victory, we become more empowered to live authentically, confidently, and joyfully.

2. Starve the Parasite

Another way to defeat fear, Ruiz recommends, is to starve the parasite. Fear thrives on negative emotions—especially those connected to the fear of loss. We fear losing a job, a relationship, approval, or something else we value deeply. But when we stop feeding these emotions—when we consciously choose not to dwell in fear or anxiety—we weaken the parasite. Though challenging, this shift in focus takes away its power, and over time, fear begins to fade.

3. Die to Self

Ruiz calls the third way “the initiation of the dead”—a symbolic death of the self. But it is not about harming ourselves. It is about releasing the ego, letting go of self-centered desires, and shedding the false identity built on fear. Dying to self means surrendering our personal will and choosing to live more fully for God. When we die to our old, limited self, the parasite of fear has no place to live—and what remains is our true self: free, fearless, and deeply authentic.

Defeating fear is not merely an option—it is a necessity if we want to live joyful, fulfilling lives. The three practices above offer a clear and courageous path forward. We can overcome the parasite of fear and embrace a life of joy, freedom, and authenticity.

Notes

Ruiz, D. M. (1997). The four agreements: A practical guide to personal freedom (pp. 104-105). Amber-Allen Publishing.