Suffering: Not a Curse

John Baptist

Clinical Counselor

Different people understand suffering in different ways. Some might understand and experience suffering as a curse. Living our suffering as a curse means that “we experience our pain as a confirmation of our negative feelings about ourselves” (Henry Nouwen). Pain can emerge when we experience physical hurts and sicknesses, emotional and spiritual struggles, broken and abusive relationships, social and cultural exploitations, or separations and deaths. Pain hurts and can lead to suffering. Unfortunately, the painful events in our lives are often understood as a curse – punishment from God or rejection from human beings. 

The human mind craves explanations for what happens in our life, particularly for pain and suffering. Sadly, we can form a self-destructive belief wherein we consider ourselves worthless, deserving only rejection and misfortune. Over and over, we can convince ourselves saying, “See, I knew I was useless and unlovable. No one cares about me, including God. Now, I am sure of this because of how they hurt and reject me”. If we have already yielded to negative beliefs about ourselves, particularly those of self-rejection and loathing, then every form of pain and suffering only confirms them in a self-fulfilling prophecy. In the moments of suffering, the question “Why” — Why me? Why now? — becomes ever-haunting, and we are easily seduced consciously or unconsciously into connecting painful events with a curse. Nouwen, in his wisdom, states, “When we have cursed ourselves or have allowed others to curse us, it is very tempting to explain all the brokenness we experience as an expression or confirmation of this curse”. 

The process of understanding suffering invites us to diagnose the undercurrents of negative feelings about ourselves. Once we detect them we can dare to break the fetters of self-destructive beliefs, particularly the belief of self-rejection. 

 

Notes

Henry Nouwen, Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World

 

St Joseph: Shadow of the Heavenly Father

John Baptist

Clinical Counselor

 

            St Joseph played a very vital role in the salvation history. He is a role model for every person, religious or secular. Please find below some thoughts and insights on St Joseph found in the book St Joseph: Shadow of the Heavenly Father.

·      The renowned descendant of David does not vanish into thin air but stays at the helm of the holy family, taking momentous decisions but always in prompt obedience to God’s will revealed to him. (Paolose Mangai)

·      His [St Joseph) name means increase. (Robert William)

·      Pope Pius IX declared St Joseph as the Patron of the Universal Church. (Fr Thomas Tharayil)

·      Saint Joseph reminds us that those who appear hidden or in the shadows can play an incomparable role in the history of salvation. (Bp Ignatius Mascarenhas)

·      No dialogues… just action. (Leetha Lawrence)

·      According to St Augustine, St Joseph’s role as the foster father of Jesus Christ was not accidental but predestined. (Metro Xavier)

·      St Joseph is a model of patience and perseverance, who works quetly... (Nimmy Das)

·      Where did Jesus get this image of God as Father? Definitely it is from his human father Joseph that Jesus learnt how loving a father can be. (Shalini Mulackal)

·      Silence is persuasive, effective, lovely, and even essential for a meaningful life. (Sunder Wilson)

·      How could a village reject it’s own son, especially as he returned home with a pregnant wife… (Mathew Palachuvattil)

·      St. Joseph, the divine dreamer, invites each one of us to drop our selfish desires and become a part of God’s dream for humanity. (Bensy Maria Sangeetham)

·      The life of Joseph invites couples to learn to discover beauty and meaning in their failures, doubts, and struggles. (Rita James)

·      God found in Joseph a trustworthy ‘father’ to whom he could entrust the care of his only-begotten son. (Bp Agnelo Rufino Gracias) 

·      Holiness is not a passive belonging to God but an active belonging where one becomes wholly available to God, like St. Joseph. (John Baptist)

 

Notes

John Baptist & Team, (Ed.). (2021). St Joseph: Shadow of the Heavenly Father. Mumbai: Pauline Publications. 

Suffering and the Gift of Accompaniment

John Baptist

11^th March 2022

Suffering is as old as human beings. People suffer from sickness, natural calamities, exploitation, abuse, broken relationships, old age and death to name a few. Some suffering might be caused by ourselves but not all. Many times people are innocent, yet they suffer. Human beings struggle to understand the mystery of suffering. A few days ago, I was discussing the theme of suffering with one of my friends in Pennsylvania, USA. My friend said something very striking. She said, “The existence of suffering in a world created by a loving God still is beyond our human comprehension. It can only be accepted in surrender and faith". Understanding suffering can become harder when we situate it in the context of God. The question, “If God is so loving, then why did God create suffering or allow it to spread?” might haunt us. There are mysteries of life that we may never be able to solve; suffering is one such mystery. It is desirable to increase our understanding of life, but we need to abandon our futile efforts to solve every problem of life, particularly that of suffering. For we cannot wipe out suffering totally. So, what should we do in the face of suffering?

The concept that comes to my mind is accompaniment. Accompaniment is journeying with the sufferer, understanding their pain as they experience it and being willing to offer help that might reduce their burden and give hope and courage to them. Accompaniment may or may not require words. For instance, a mother who just lost her child may not feel helped by words of consolation but being with her compassionately can bring healing. We cannot solve all the problems of people but we can accompany them in their suffering. We also need to have the courage to acknowledge our own suffering and to humble ourselves to allow others to accompany us in our pain. As counsellors, family members, or friends we can be open to the gift of accompaniment in the face of suffering. 

 

 

Practice: The Reset Button

 

John Baptist

27^th February 2022

Reading my previous blog, The Fear Beads, one might wonder whether religious practices can only bring about bad outcomes. Obviously, NO! It is the intention that makes a practice healthy or unhealthy. If the motivation for religious practice is transformation and not fear, then it is good and serves its purpose. The renowned Mexican monk, Richard Rohr, says, “Practice is an essential reset button that we must push many times before we can experience any genuine newness”. To develop something new and lasting, practice is necessary. Through lack of practice, newly gained behaviour and insights can actually die off. 

The value of practice is greatly recognized in fields such as sports and in creative endeavours, however its need is yet to be adequately acknowledged in the world of religion and spirituality. A practice that constantly opens oneself to God’s presence will initiate transformation. Practices like reciting the rosary, using prayer-beads, attending novenas, saying mantras, making processions and pilgrimages, performing genuflections and prostrations, blessing oneself physically, burning candles or incense, if done with mindfulness, can neurologically rewire the brain. Rewiring our brain can help us see reality in a new way. Religious and spiritual practices have the power to help us discover an ever-larger notion of God, reality and ourselves, provided we outgrow an infantile and magical understanding of these practices (Richard Rohr). Infantile and magical perceptions of religious practices blind us to seeing God, who is ever-present in ordinary and daily human experiences. On the contrary, a mature understanding of religious and spiritual practices can shatter our rigid and narrow understanding of the Divine and set us free to see the Divine presence in and around us. 

Any practice that opens our inner eyes to see God is holy and acceptable. Let our religious and spiritual exercises become a reset button for self-transformation, enhancing our awareness of God in creation, in others, and in ourselves. 

 

 Notes

Richard Rohr, The Importance of Practice, https://cac.org/the-importance-of-practice-2021-12-15/

The Fear Beads

                                                                                                                                            

John Baptist

21^st February 2022

         Is “practice” good or bad? Well, it depends on why one does it. Practice creates and strengthens certain neural pathways, which make people set in their ways – ways of behaving and thinking. Practice actually creates new responses, which can be either healthy and flexible or unhealthy and rigid. 

        One area where practice is routinely used is in religion or spirituality. People, irrespective of their faith, often use exercises that consist of repetitive words and actions. These exercises can include reciting the rosary, using prayer-beads, attending novenas, saying mantras, burning candles or incense and more. Such religious exercises are neither good nor bad in themselves. It is the intention — the motivational force — that gives meaning, value and efficacy to these exercises. 

Two strong motivational forces are fear and transformation. People can have fears that God might punish them or of befalling misfortunes, among many other fears. Thus some, guided by fear, can engage in a religious ritual, such as reciting beads, to appease God, whom they imagine as angry and punishing. In doing so, individuals intend that God will not punish them or allow harm to come upon them and instead will bring fortunes to their lives. Any mindless and fear-based repetition of any practice can actually keep us quite unconscious (Richard Rohr). Thus the practice of fear beads can make us catatonic and trap us in a repetitive cycle of rigid thinking and behaviour. Catatonic repetition of any religious exercise leads to unconsciousness and ultimately death. Can we take time to reflect on our various religious exercises and unearth the intention(s) behind them? Is it fear or transformation? 

Let us hope that through awareness we break the cycle of catatonically reciting fear beads. 

 

 

Notes

Richard Rohr, The Importance of Practice, https://cac.org/the-importance-of-practice-2021-12-15/

Find Your True Valentine

 

John Baptist

13^th February 2022

Once again, Valentine’s Day is here; romance is in the air. You might find Valentine’s Day a wonderful experience if you are in a satisfying love relationship. If it is the other way then you might feel sad, frustrated, angry and unfulfilled. It is nice to have people to care for and love us. However, Kristin Neff, a renowned researcher in self-compassion says that we need to recognize that it is not necessary for our happiness that we need someone else to complete us. Romance is a gift from God, yet, it can not be the ground that gives us a sense of completeness. In fact, what gives us the sense of completeness and wholeness is knowing and connecting with our true selves. It is connecting with the Life (Divine) that flows within our being and in the universe at large. 

Neff asserts that often we “are raised with the notion that our worth stems from finding someone to love and cherish us. We’re taught that our value is derived from the adoring eyes of another, and if we aren’t in a relationship with someone who cares about us, we must be a failure [and worthless]”. It is vital for healthy growth, particularly during our childhood, that we receive love. Receiving love is essential in our adult lives as well. However, the problem can start when we do not find the adoring eyes; consequently, we can begin feeling empty and unfulfilled. If you find feelings of dissatisfaction and incompleteness in your life, seize this opportunity and shatter the illusion that others can make you whole and fulfilled. Each one of us need to understand that others cannot make us whole. 

Wholeness begins when we embrace ourselves as we are. 

“In moments of wholeness, we enter into the crypt of our being, with arms wide open to embrace all of the parts of ourselves, even those which were neglected and pushed away from long ago. In this quiet and compassionate embrace, we meet the stranger who longed for this reunion for our whole lives” (John Baptist). 

Remember your true Valentine is “you”. Find, connect, and love this “you”, your first and the last Valentine, who is perhaps most neglected. And, gradually, you will realize that if you connect to others from this ground of self-connection and wholeness, your relations will be more satisfying and fulfilling. 

 

Notes

1.     Kristin Neff, Meeting Romantic Yearnings With Compassion, Email Communication
2.     John Baptist, 2021, Brokenness to Wholeness, Media House, Delhi 
3.     Mark 12:31 – Love your neighbour as yourself

Defensive Shadow

John Baptist

7th February 2022

Each one of us has a shadow in ourselves. One harmful characteristic of the shadow is that it defends itself. Therefore, it can be challenging to detect our shadow. Richard Rohr says that our shadow is not evil in itself; it just allows us to do evil and not recognize it as such. Our shadow self makes us all into hypocrites on some level. Hypocrite is a Greek word that simply means “actor,” someone playing a role rather than being “real.” If we look deeply into what we do and how we behave then we would discover that many things we do only to be acceptable to others and present ourselves as someone different and better than who we really are. Often, we act our roles so long and so well that we begin to deceive ourselves. 

            The shadow can take control of our whole self. It can justify what we do or choose to avoid and how we live our lives. The shadow is afraid of revealing itself; therefore, attacks or avoids anything that attempts to bring it to light. Perhaps the following examples can help us understand the games our shadows play. A person who is ashamed of his native place can avoid situations where their identity might be revealed; someone who is seen doing something wrong might avoid or start attacking the witness; a person who feels less capable in an area might project themselves as superior in some other.

A lot of shadow work is required before we can get in touch with our true selves. We need to discover the games our shadow plays, not only with others but more so with ourselves. Rohr states, “Shadow work literally “saves us from ourselves” (our false selves)”. Perhaps, the greatest of all enemies is within, our shadow. Can we detect, understand and shatter the defences of this enemy, and initiate a journey of knowing ourselves?

 

Notes

Richard Rohr, Unveiling the Shadow, https://cac.org/embracing-shadow-and-light-2021-06-14/