The Talking Mind

 

Lisa W Coyne, a senior consultant at McLean Hospital, Massachusetts, USA, observes, “Everyone has a mind that ‘talks’ to them. We think of this as our verbal mind or our ‘advisor’ …whose function is to serve as your threat detector”. 

Our advisor’s function is to help us avoid mistakes and dangers so that we are physically, emotionally and existentially safe. However, at times our threat detector over-functions and overestimates threats. It starts seeing a threat in very insignificant situations and even where there is none. 

Fear of being hurt or rejected can keep worsening our threat detector and damage the joy of our lives. Very often our advisor becomes our worst critic trying to push us unrealistically to achieve or to become the most perfect. Such a state is not healthy and often brings us misery. 

Our advisor can pop up nonstop negative thoughts in our minds and convince us that we are not good enough and that others are harmful. When malfunctioning, our inner advisor can start to persecute us and make us paranoid of others. In such malfunctioning, we can hear thoughts such as ‘you are not good enough’, ‘you are useless’, ‘you better die’, or ‘they hate me’, ‘they are plotting against me’, ‘they want to ruin my life’.

It can take years to understand our mind and to make our inner advisor a wise friend. Below are a few ways that initiate a journey of calming our talking mind.

 

1. Be Aware

           The first step towards having a healthy mind is to become conscious of what your inner advisor says to you. Notice whether your advisor criticises you or someone else. If your advisor looks contemptuously at you or others, then it is an indication that your inner advisor is malfunctioning.

 

2. Discern

           Evaluate what your inner mind speaks to you in a very objective and compassionate manner. Discern what is right, good, acceptable and kind in the instructions and advice of your inner mind.

 

3. Separate

           Remember you are not your inner advisor; you are more than that. Separate yourself from your inner advisor. You do not have to obey all the dictates of your inner advisor by default.

 

4. Not Now

           When you find your inner advisor nags you by telling you things which are wrong, unacceptable, and harsh, instruct your inner advisor to stop by stating ‘not now’. You may have to repeatedly disengage with your talking mind using the instruction not now as your threat detector can keep on sounding the false alarm. 

 

These approaches will get you started on the journey to make your inner advisor a wise friend.

 

Notes

McLean, 4 Ways to Stop Negative Thinking