Empathy: Glue of Relationships

People get hurt in life. Hurt people tend to hurt others and even themselves unless they embark on a healing journey of the self. Often, living with people who are empathic helps hurt people begin the process of healing. Since the experience of hurt is universal, the need for empathy is also universal. Empathy is the glue that has the power to hold together and heal broken people and relationships.  

Individuals living in a family, religious community or in any other setup can encounter people who are hurt, some of them very deeply. Apart from experiencing debilitating hurts there can be other hurts that though minor, still disrupt the daily functioning and joy of life. Experiences of hurt can reduce an individual’s capacity to trust and engage with others deeply, freely, and honestly. Empathy can be the therapeutic glue that can hold together broken and aching relationships and lead them to heal. 

Heinz Kohut witnessed the power of empathy and said, “It [empathy] is the agency by which souls are restored. It is the glue that holds a broken person together until they begin to heal, and then it becomes the nourishment that keeps them going, keeps them striving to live fully and vibrantly”.[i] The curative glue of empathy holds persons and relationships together that are hurt and fragmented. Empathic encounters can become a powerful means of holding, healing, and growth for ailing relationships and for whatever is broken in human spirits. 

There is hope; every hurt person and broken relationship can experience healing and growth. Empathy helps people not only to heal but also to grow in maturity, wisdom, and grace. The words of Kohut himself are fitting to conclude: “the mark of a mature and transformed self is the ability to live each day with broad, encompassing empathy for others and oneself”.[ii]

Let the glue of empathy be in our families and communities to bring healing and grace to ourselves and others. 

 

Notes

---

[i] Heinz Kohut in Grace for the Injured Self by Terry Cooper and Robert Randall, Pickwick Publications: Oregon, 2011

[ii] Heinz Kohut in Grace for the Injured Self by Terry Cooper and Robert Randall