It is not healthy to remain in an exploitative relationship. Because gaslighters are so slippery and manipulative, your best bet is to cut off all contact or, at least, drastically reduce it. The following tips can help in getting out of a gaslighting relationship.
Remember how healthy people behave
If you are currently dealing with a gaslighter and trying to get away from him or her, one way to help ground yourself is to remind yourself of how psychologically healthy people behave. Stephanie Sarkis[1] lists some important traits of healthy individuals, they:
o Encourage expression of opinions
o Say what they mean and mean what they say
o Support you even if they do not agree with you
o Let you know in a direct and kind way if you hurt them
o Are capable of emotional intimacy—the mutual sharing of feelings and ideas
o Trust others
o Exhibit behaviors that are genuine and authentic[2]
Break up in one quick conversation
Madeleine Burry suggests, “One key to a successful split with a gaslighter is to make it fast, ideally in a single conversation. Tell them it is not working and the relationship is over, and say it in a straightforward, calm, and direct voice.”
Do not believe promises to change
As soon as you say the relationship is over, the gaslighter may try to win you back. Expect instant apologies and promises that things will be different. Their words will sound sincere, and part of you might want to believe them. Do not. It is all part of the manipulation[3].
Connect with supportive friends
Even when you know breaking up was for the best, you still might be grieving the end of a relationship that at one point seemed so promising. This is when leaning on loved ones comes in. When thoughts of giving the gaslighter a second chance creep into your head, your support network can help you to discern[4]. If friends and family are not on hand, counseling can really help.
The relationship with a gaslighter neither succeeds nor thrives; therefore, it becomes imperative to immediately leave an unhealthy and dehumanizing relationship.
The earlier you terminate an exploitative relationship, the better.
John Baptist OFM Cap.
Clinical Counselor & Psychospiritual Resource Person
York, PA, USA
[1] Sarkis, Stephanie, 2018, Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People—and Break Free, Da Capo Lifelong Books
[2] Sarkis, Stephanie, This Is Why Victims of Gaslighting Stay — And How They Can Finally Break Free
[3] Sarkis, Stephanie, 2018, Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People—and Break Free
[4] Burry, Madeleine, How to Break Up with a Gaslighter
Great information. Thank you
ReplyDeleteVery enlightening 👏
ReplyDeleteAppreciable and enlightening.
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