Growing as Happy and Authentic Individuals

Do you appreciate your children and others in your life? Perhaps you do. When do you reward and appreciate them? Probably when they do well in exams, win trophies, get promotions, or succeed. That is good — but not good enough! Appreciating individuals only when they succeed and do well can make them duplicitous and lead them to hide their true self. It is necessary that you also admire your children and dear ones when they share their failures and embarrassing experiences. It is essential that you let them know that they are loved and accepted despite their failures and disappointments. 

Appreciating individuals for taking the courage to be honest with you can enable them to become emotionally healthy, genuine, and liberated individuals. Conversely, appreciating them only when they succeed can give them the sense that they are accepted only if they win and stay on top of everything. They can begin to hide their faults and failures to be accepted and start to live their life driven by fear of rejection. One or two examples will be illuminating. Suppose your child breaks something in the house. If your child thinks that she will be scolded or punished for breaking the thing, there are high chances for your child to hide the broken item. Or, again, if you do something embarrassing. If you believe another person would disapprove of what you did, you will avoid talking about the embarrassing event.

This shielding occurs because we are afraid that if our faults and weaknesses are exposed there will be negative and unpleasant consequences. These could include scolding, judgment, or withdrawal of love and acceptance. Humans want to be loved and accepted. Therefore, you can begin to hide your failures and brokenness, and put on a seemingly pleasant and competent mask. You can split your life into two, one that is fragile but honest, the side you only know, and the other that is bright but fake, the side you show to others. Such a split in life creates anxiety and leads you away from reality.  

You will agree that everyone makes mistakes and fails. Hence, it is not possible to always succeed and to do well. Do have the courage to show your true self to people who care about you. In their moments of failures and embarrassments, can you assure your loved ones that they are loved and accepted as they are? Such experiences of love and acceptance can empower you and others to accept and love themselves despite their failures, to shed their fear of rejection, and to live with freedom and congruence.