Our understanding and feelings about ourselves are greatly influenced not only by how we view ourselves but also by how we think others view us. We often evaluate ourselves judging whether we are doing well or poorly and the conclusions we draw can be linked to our perceptions of how others see us (Gilbert, 2013). If we think that others see us in a critical and poor light, then we can apply those perceptions to ourselves and see ourselves as inadequate and inferior. Feelings of inadequacy and inferiority can make us hide and become miserable. At certain times, we all feel inadequate. When we feel inadequate, we can withdraw and stop engaging in things we like to do.
An example will help to understand this better. Suppose two individuals take part in dance practice. One engages in the dance forgetting everything and enjoys doing so. The other is worried about how others might judge her dance. The more the second person ruminates about how others may not like her dance, the more self-critical she becomes, and begins to see herself as inadequate. She withdraws from dance practice and goes home feeling miserable. (Here, there is an implication for parents, teachers, and those responsible for the growth of others to help them overcome such self-defeating judgments.)
Gilbert (2013) says that it is easy to become self-conscious, and to not show our efforts to others for fear of being judged, and finally to isolate ourselves by feeling depressed about ourselves. These self-judgements can rob us of the joy we experience by participating in activities that we enjoy. If we can suspend our self-critical system and engage in activities purely for the sake of enjoying them, then we can become free to enjoy life. With such freedom, we can grow optimally and find meaning in our lives.
References
Gilbert, P (2013). The compassionate mind. Robinson.
Insightful...😇
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