“Why Me?”: Discovering Peace in Pain

Pain, failure, sickness, and unexpected hardships are inevitable parts of the human experience. These uninvited experiences disrupt our daily life, affecting our body, mind, and spirit. Yet, pain itself is neutral — it isn’t inherently good or bad. It’s our response to pain that determines whether it leads us toward bitterness or growth. By approaching pain with “flexibility” and “humility,” we can transform these hardships into opportunities for maturity and deeper peace.

We can be rigid in our understanding of life, expecting everything to happen according to our plan and structure; however, an honest view of life tells us that this is not true. Life does not always happen the way we want. Unpleasant things come our way without invitation. We might be ready for an exciting trip, and then sickness arrives. Often, we cannot do much to stop such unexpected and unpleasant events. But what we can do is become flexible in our expectations about life and begin to embrace our life as it unfolds.

Humility is another important element that can help us relate to pain in a way that promotes personal growth. When something goes wrong, such as someone meeting with an accident, losing a job, or experiencing a breakup in a relationship, we often ask, “Why has this happened to me?” When we approach pain with the mindset of “Why me?” we unconsciously elevate ourselves above the human life. We start to believe that we are special and that painful things should not happen to us. However, in reality, uncertainty, unpleasant events, and pain are integral parts of the human experience. Cultivating humility can help us shift from “Why me?” to “It can be me.”

In facing life’s inevitable struggles, embracing flexibility and humility can be our greatest allies. Instead of rigidly resisting pain or questioning, “Why me?”, we can shift to accepting that pain is part of the shared human journey. This perspective allows us to move from a place of suffering to a place of peace, using life’s challenges to grow stronger and wiser. By welcoming pain as a teacher rather than an enemy, we don’t just move forward — we find a deeper sense of peace and a chance to contribute meaningfully to the lives of others.

Loneliness: The Gap Between Us and Intimacy

The human heart craves intimacy. The journey of forming and experiencing intimacy often begins with our parents and close family members. In adulthood, we seek connections with others who may become lifelong partners, deepening relationships and building families. Later in life, the search for intimacy often expands, leading individuals to seek connection with the broader community, the universe, and the Divine. However, intimacy is not always easily achieved due to the imperfections within ourselves, in others, and in the circumstances around us. At every stage, we may find ourselves struggling with loneliness.

Loneliness serves as a reminder that we are far from our destination: intimacy. Renowned theologian and bestselling author Ronald Rolheiser defines loneliness as the distance between us and intimacy. It is the gap that separates us from the closeness we desire. Loneliness can become a signal, making us aware of the current state of our connections with family, others, the universe, and God. In this sense, loneliness is not just an emotional experience but an invitation to move toward greater intimacy.

When confronted with loneliness, we often have a choice: remain in it and dwell in misery, or seek a path out. Loneliness can lead to feelings of isolation and false assumptions that no one cares for us, that we are unloved, or that we are completely alone in the world. Overcoming these beliefs and finding the courage to reconnect with others is essential for moving toward intimacy, whether with people or with God. One step we can take is to become a source of connection and intimacy for others, offering them a chance to experience the closeness we all seek.

Living our entire lives in loneliness would be a profound tragedy. Can we recognize that loneliness is pointing us toward intimacy, and are we humble enough to accept our deep need for connection? Can we take the steps necessary to bridge the gap from loneliness to intimacy?

 

Notes,

Rolheiser, R. (2014). Sacred fire: A vision for a deeper human and Christian maturity. Image.