The Dark Side of Wanting to Be Somebody

Ernest Becker, in his book The Denial of Death, suggests that much human evil does not arise simply from our animal instincts or innate selfishness. Rather, it may grow out of our need to maintain self-esteem, deny our mortality, and construct a heroic image of ourselves.

We all want to feel that our lives matter. We want to be valued, respected, and remembered. These are natural human desires. But what happens when our sense of worth depends on being better, stronger, or more important than others?

When our identity feels threatened, we may defend it by putting others down, asserting control, or refusing to acknowledge our mistakes. Sometimes, our judgment of others may reveal less about their shortcomings than about our own struggle to feel adequate. The need to protect our self-image can become so powerful that we hurt others to preserve it.

Interestingly, this insight resonates with several spiritual traditions. In Christianity, St. Augustine understood pride as a fundamental source of sin. Pride, in this sense, is not simply appreciating our gifts but placing ourselves at the center and seeking greatness at the expense of others. The humility of Christ, presented in Philippians 2:5–8, offers a different vision of greatness: one expressed through self-giving love rather than power or superiority.

Buddhism offers another perspective. Its teaching on impermanence reminds us that everything changes, including our status, achievements, and identities. Yet we often cling tightly to the image we have created of ourselves. When that image is challenged, we may experience it as a threat rather than an opportunity for growth.

Both perspectives invite us to loosen our grip on the self we feel compelled to defend. Perhaps the problem is not that we want our lives to matter, but that we sometimes try to establish our worth by making others feel smaller. We seek security through superiority rather than discovering that we can be valuable without being better than someone else.

This does not explain every form of evil, nor does understanding harmful behavior excuse it. But it invites us to look beneath our anger, judgment, and need for control.

Perhaps true greatness begins when we no longer need to be greater than anyone else.

Notes

Augustine. (n.d.). The City of God (Book XIV, Chapter 14). New Advent. https://www.newadvent.org/fathers/120114.htm

Becker, E. (1973). The denial of death. Free Press. 

Bodhi, B. (Trans.). (2000). The connected discourses of the Buddha: A translation of the Saṃyutta Nikāya. Wisdom Publications.