A Bill of Assertive Rights

Manuel Smith begins his book When I Say No, I Feel Guilty with a bill of assertive rights. The insights imbibed from his statements can allow you to recognize your human dignity and uphold it without any need to defend it. Knowing your assertive rights can help you avoid any manipulation by others and take responsibility for your thoughts, choices, and decisions. You can be empowered to express your choices and speak up for what you believe. You do not have to fake yourself and become a puppet of others’ manipulative words and drama. 

Smith’s bill of assertive rights[1] follows: 

      I.         You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself.

     II.         You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your behavior.

   III.         You have the right to judge if you are responsible for finding solutions to other people’s problems.

   IV.         You have the right to change your mind.

    V.         You have the right to make mistakes—and be responsible for them.

   VI.         You have the right to say, “I don’t know.”

 VII.         You have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before coping with them.

VIII.         You have the right to be illogical in making decisions.

   IX.         You have the right to say, “I don’t understand.”

     X.         You have the right to say, “I don’t care.”

           The above ten statements can help you to become genuine and honest with your thoughts, feelings, and needs. You do not need to please others for fear of risking their love and support. Pleasing others is nothing but slavery. As long as you please others, they might be okay with you (though that also is not certain). But when you cannot fulfil any of their demands, you will be instantly rejected. Know for certain that you cannot fulfill all their demands and that eventually you will find yourself discarded. Recognize that “You have the right to say no, without feeling guilty.”[2] If you cannot say ‘no’, your ‘yes’ has no value. If you cannot risk being disliked, you will never be truly loved.[3]

The bill taught by Smith invites you to own your feelings and choices, honestly express them, and courageously say no when someone manipulates you with their aggression, reasoning, or emotions. 

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[1] Smith, M (1975). When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope — Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy. Bantam Books. 

[2] Ibid.

[3] McLaren, Brian.