The Eternal Youth Trap: Escaping the Illusion of Forever Young

 

In many modern cultures, especially those that consider themselves progressive, there’s a growing temptation to remain trapped in the illusion of eternal youth. Adulthood is now often idealized as staying perpetually a "boy" or "girl." As Ronald Rolheiser notes, society equates maturity with preserving a youthful look and spirit. The "eternal boy" embodies carefree freedom, avoiding deep commitments, while the "eternal girl" is idolized for her slim figure, resisting the natural changes of aging. This skewed notion of adulthood promotes a superficial self-image and hinders true personal growth.

Rolheiser challenges this narrative, urging us to view adulthood as an invitation to meaningful roles—becoming parents, grandparents, and elders who embrace the natural signs of aging like gray hair and extra body weight. It is about stepping into a life of responsibility, where we not only take care of our own needs but also contribute to the wider community, prioritizing deeper, more substantial values over superficial ones.

Our cultural fixation on youthfulness is driven by industries that profit from our insecurities: fashion, cosmetic enhancements, the film industry, and media influence. They perpetuate the illusion that eternal adolescence is both achievable and desirable. This has led many to cling to a state of adolescence well into their later years, avoiding the transition to mature adulthood. As a result, they miss the chance to grow beyond the fleeting beauty of youth and develop into wise, contributing members of society (Rolheiser).

Rolheiser powerfully states, “Mature adults carry the young and take on the responsibilities that sustain families, communities, and society.” True maturity means rejecting the trap of eternal youth and embracing the natural aging process with grace. Instead of resisting change, mature adults invest their energy in commitments and meaningful relationships. By letting go of the illusion of perpetual youth, they use their experience and wisdom to strengthen the community, becoming the essential pillars for future generations.

 

Notes, 

Rolheiser, R. (2014). Sacred fire: A vision for a deeper human and Christian maturity. Image, pp. 42-43.

The Hidden Gifts of Unanswered Prayers

Life is a mix of both positive and negative experiences. Unpleasant events, such as illness, accidents, job loss, separation, and death, can cause us to lose hope, patience, connection, and joy. In moments when we feel drained, angry, or overwhelmed by these challenges, we might find ourselves questioning what will help us through (Kushner, 1981). In such times, many of us turn to prayer for guidance.

We often pray to God to heal our loved ones or ourselves, or we ask for solutions to the problems we face. Yet, despite our prayers and those of our family and friends, it may seem like our requests go unanswered—the circumstances remain unchanged, or the sick continue to suffer or even pass away. When our prayers seem unanswered, we might wonder, “If God can’t make my sickness go away, what good is He?” (Kushner, 1981). It’s crucial to understand that while God may not resolve our problems with miracles, He can give us the strength to persevere even when we are sick, scared, or feeling hopeless. In moments when we are depleted of hope and energy, we can find renewed strength in God.

Prayer does not always provide a miraculous cure for illness, repair a broken relationship, or avert a tragedy. As Kushner suggests, prayer can achieve three significant things: First, it can help us discover the hidden hope and strength within ourselves. Second, it can connect us with others, allowing us to feel the support and companionship of those around us. Third, prayer reassures us that God is with us, sharing in our pain and struggles.

From this perspective, prayer is never futile. Even prayers that seem unanswered hold value, offering us precious gifts. They help us uncover courage, hope, and deeper connections with others, while drawing us closer to God's companionship.

Notes

Kushner H. S. (1981). When bad things happen to good people (p. 142-143). Anchor Books.

"If I Had Only" Trap

Bad things happen—sickness, separation, and death are inevitable parts of life. We often try to make sense of painful events by searching for their causes, and one common way we do this is by blaming ourselves. As Rabbi Harold Kushner noted, we might think, “Maybe if I had only acted differently, this misfortune would not have happened.”

Examples of this faulty belief include:

• Maybe if I had been nicer to my friend, the friendship wouldn’t have ended.
• Maybe if I had made a different decision, my business wouldn’t have failed.
• Maybe if I hadn’t allowed them to go out, the accident wouldn’t have happened.
• Maybe if I had been a better wife, the divorce wouldn’t have occurred.
• Maybe if I had taken my mom to a different hospital, she wouldn’t have died.

These thoughts reflect the false belief that “every misfortune is our fault, the direct result of our mistakes or misbehavior” (Kushner). But this simply is not true. “We are really not that powerful. Not everything that happens in the world is our doing” (Kushner).

Sometimes relationships end because people are selfish, incompatible, or have different paths. Sometimes businesses fail due to external economic conditions, not poor decisions. And sometimes people die, not because of a particular doctor or hospital, but because the illness is incurable.

No one is exempt from experiencing sickness, separation, or death. Unpleasant things happen despite our best intentions and efforts. To find peace and live meaningfully, we must gather the broken pieces and let go of the irrational belief that every misfortune is our fault.

Notes

Kushner H. S. (1981). When bad things happen to good people (p. 113). Anchor Books.

When Comfort Hurts: Insights from Job’s Comforters

“Job's comforters” is a phrase that originates from the Bible, specifically the Book of Job—a masterpiece on understanding suffering. It refers to people who, instead of providing genuine comfort during difficult times, offer judgment, blame, or unhelpful advice that adds to one's suffering.

In the story, Job is a righteous man who suffers immense personal loss and physical affliction. Job’s three friends visit him to offer comfort. However, they end up blaming Job for his misfortunes, suggesting that his suffering must be due to some hidden sin. Rather than consoling him, they make his ordeal worse. Theologian Harold Kushner comments on this, saying, “He needed physical comforting, people sharing their strength with him, holding him rather than scolding him.”

We often encounter individuals who suffer in various ways. When offering comfort to them, we need to ensure that our words and actions do not spring from our own fears, needs, or feelings—nor from a desire to defend God (God can defend Himself). Otherwise, we risk making things worse.

To make our interactions more compassionate, Rabbi Kushner suggests avoiding behaviors such as minimizing the mourner’s pain, rejecting their feelings, or being critical. Below are examples of responses to avoid:

Minimizing the Mourner’s Pain

·       “It is for your best.”

·       “Things could have been worse.”

Rejecting the Feelings of Pain

·       “We have no right to question God.”

·       “God must love you; that’s why you are selected for this pain.”

Being Critical of the Mourner

·       “Don’t take it to heart.”

·       “Hold your tears and be strong.”

·       “Don’t be sad; you are upsetting people.”

To be truly helpful to those who suffer, we need to set aside our own concerns and agendas, genuinely seeking to understand what the other person is going through. In this understanding—and in making the pain of others our own—we may offer genuine comfort.

 

Notes

Kushner H. S. (1981). When bad things happen to good people (pp. 99-100). Anchor Books.

The Silent Wound: How We Become Our Own Worst Enemy

Life can hurt us in many ways. We may experience rejection, loss, injury, or unfortunate circumstances. Some of these experiences can be deeply painful. Yet, what is more tragic is when we begin to believe that we deserve the hurt. We convince ourselves that we did not do well enough, or that we are simply not good enough, and that this is why we suffer. In doing so, we allow the wounds inflicted by life to fester with guilt, assuming we are unworthy. What could be more devastating than choosing to continue harming and destroying ourselves?

It is sadly true that we can sometimes be our own worst enemy, repeatedly inflicting harm on ourselves. This may occur after experiencing humiliation or rejection from someone. In response, we may distance ourselves from the very people who care about us, ignoring invitations and rejecting the company of those who genuinely reach out with love and support. We push them away, preferring isolation over connection, and gradually, we become accustomed to a life of separation and rejection. In these moments, it is not always others who isolate us—it is often a choice we make ourselves.

After a series of painful experiences, we may lose hope in others and in ourselves, questioning the value of relationships, love, and life. Although it is not easy, we can stop being our own worst enemies and break the cycle of silent self-harm. We can find the courage to trust again—in the goodness of others, in our own worth, and in the possibilities that life still offers.

Where is God in Our suffering?

Bad things happen—even to good people. Wildfires, hurricanes, plane crashes, mass murders, and acts of violence cause untold damage to countless lives every year, often in irreversible ways. In such moments, the burning question, “Where is God when bad things happen to us?” can make us restless and uncertain. One of the most painful tragedies in history was the Holocaust, perpetrated by Adolf Hitler. In the face of such horror, one might ask, “Where was God when Hitler was killing innocent men, women, and children?” Similarly, in today’s world, one might wonder, “Why does God not intervene to stop an aggressor?”

God created us with the freedom to think, create, act, and relate to one another. This freedom grants us the capacity to choose love or hatred, to build or destroy, to heal or hurt. God does not stop us from making these choices, because doing so would deny our humanity. But even with this understanding, the question persists: “Where is God when bad things happen to good people?”

Rabbi Harold Kushner offers insight, suggesting that in moments of suffering and tragedy, God is on the side of the victim. God is the victim. Hurting an innocent person is, in a sense, hurting God. God does not cause evil, nor does God take pleasure in the suffering humans endure due to the actions of evil individuals or groups. Kushner argues that to justify horrors like the Holocaust as part of some greater good or as a means of purifying souls is to side with the aggressor and perpetuate the evil and horror itself.

Evil, inhuman acts, and suffering are not part of God's will. When bad things happen, God is with us—God is in us. God is love, and as beings created in God's image, we are called to live with love and kindness, to stand with the victims. We have the freedom and capacity to become like Adolf Hitler or like Mother Teresa. We have the power to either perpetuate harm or to bring healing.

 

Notes

Kushner H. S. (1981). When bad things happen to good people (p. 91). Anchor Books.

Hope: A Necessity for Overcoming Darkness

Can hopelessness kill people? By the time you finish reading this article, at least six people will have died by suicide (World Health Organization, WHO). According to the WHO, 800,000 people suffering from mental illness die by suicide each year globally. Many of these tragic cases are deeply linked to overwhelming feelings of hopelessness. There are other scenarios, not included in this count, such as substance abuse, chronic illness, breakups, and other adverse situations that foster hopelessness, tragically leading some individuals to end their own lives.

Even for those who do not take the drastic step of suicide, the effects of hopelessness can be devastating. Many of us may continue living but without any real joy for the present or hope for the future, existing rather than truly living. Hope is essential in facing the pain and darkness of life, guiding us toward a brighter and more meaningful future. It is not a mere option but a necessity if we want to live with joy, contentment, and a sense of purpose.

Hope does not erase the darkness or shorten the night. Instead, it equips us to rise up and walk through it with courage and perseverance. Hope ignites a light within our soul, empowering us to move forward even in the thickest of darkness.

Consider one current challenge in your life. Reflect on how cultivating hope might help you take that next step toward a new dawn.

 

Notes,

World Health Organization. (2018, October 10). 800,000 people kill themselves every year. What can we do?